Going through a divorce can leave you confused about who "you" are. As a husband or wife, you were united in marriage and became "one." Your role as husband or wife was part of your identity. In your marriage I am sure you made some compromises. After all, people see things differently, have different beliefs, have different values and degrees of importance. While you were use to making decisions with your spouse all of a sudden you are making decisions by yourself. It takes time to make the transition from married to single. When faced with a situation that requires a decision you may find yourself feeling a bit lost or confused, or you may discover a sense of freedom and empowerment in making the decision by yourself.
It is surprising to find out how many people married and single who never stop to think about their goals, their dreams, the desires of their hearts, and their values. Values are at the foundation of our behavior. Our decisions are based on our core values. We don't often think about our core values. They become ingrained in us over time and we subconsciously draw from them when making decisions. We usually overlook the importance values play in our actions and our lives.
During and after the divorce process you have many decisions to make. This is a perfect time to discover or re-evaluate your values. Maybe your values did not align the same as your spouse's. Possibly you let go of some of your values, or they moved down your list of importance for the sake of your marriage. Clarifying your values and what is important to YOU can be very empowering as you move forward. I strongly encourage you to set aside time to give some thought to the following questions.
1. Can you name some of your core values? If so, what are they?
2. How do you spend your time? money? Where do you devote your energy? Why?
3. When making important decisions what values would you base them on? What is important to you?
4. What do you get excited about?
5. What things,if taken away or you could no longer do them, would make life unbearable for you? What makes these things valuable to you?
6. Is their an issue(s) that you feel deeply about? Why?
Are there some things that you value but you moved them down the priority list because your spouse did not share the same value(s)? Was there something you valued but never had the time to do, but now maybe you do? This is a time to brainstorm, to write down any thoughts that come to mind. Start a list, spend some time over several days picking it up, adding to it. Then, when making decisions try to be conscience of why and how you reached a certain decision. I hope you enjoy this exercise. Please feel free to leave comments below on what you thought about this exercise. Did you discover anything about yourself and your values?
"Try not to become a man/woman of success but rather try to become a man/woman of value." ~ Albert Einstein
copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser
