Yesterday I wrote about surviving divorce. How we survive divorce will ultimately be determined by our attitude. I remember my divorce recovery leader sharing a version of the following story with our group.
A Native American boy was talking with his grandfather. “What do you think about the world situation?” he asked. The grandfather replied, “I feel like wolves are fighting in my heart. One is full of anger and hatred; the other is full of love, forgiveness and peace.” “Which one will win?” asked the boy. To which the grandfather replied, “The one I feed.” (Origin Unknown)
During and after divorce, people often struggle with anger, hurt, rejection, betrayal, possibly hatred toward/from their former spouse. If you find yourself focusing on these feelings, how long do you plan to harbor them? Have you given any thought as to when you will let them go, or change your focus? Do you realize that what you focus on, what you think about, is what you become?
The alternative after divorce would be to feed the wolf of forgiveness, hope, comfort, peace, acceptance, love (God, self, others), healing, learning, growing, moving forward, self discovery and purpose. If we focus on these things, on positive things, we will get positive results.
I imagine you are familiar with the law of sowing and reaping. If you think about your thoughts as seeds that you are planting, what kind of seeds are you planting? If you are planting crabapple seeds, do not expect to reap Granny Smith apples. You will reap the fruit of the thoughts you have sown.
In Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s best selling classic The Power of Positive Thinking he wrote:
“Learn to expect, not to doubt. In doing so you bring everything into the realm of possibility…It is amazing how a sustained expectation of the best sets the forces in motion which cause the best to materialize.”
I like this quote from Henry Ford;
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t . . . you’re right.”
If you focus on defeating thoughts, revenge, self-pity, dwell on your marriage, your former spouse, things you cannot control, you can expect to remain stuck, sad and miserable. On the other hand, if you will focus on what you have learned from this experience, healing, the opportunity to discover “Who you are,” what you can control, deepening your relationship with God, seeking His will and purpose for your life, expecting good things to happen, you can anticipate peace, joy, fulfillment, a sense of purpose, love, and hope for your future.
Over the next week, try to capture your thoughts. Make an effort to think about what you are thinking about. Ask yourself, is this where I want my focus to be? If not, replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. It is not enough to simply stop the negative thoughts. You must replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
You are always welcome to share your thoughts or experiences below. Blessings to you as you purposely focus on what you desire for your future.
Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved
Thanks for the post, your post will help people with surviving divorce emotionally. I’ve experienced how surviving divorce financially is hard.