In my last post I told you about a recent day in my life as a single parent. I suspect you have had times when you were doing your best to be a good parent and working hard to get "everything " done. Then, one or two incidents happen that make you feel unappreciated and overwhelmed as a single parent. In the early stages of separation or divorce, as we are transitioning into single parenting I think we tend to have more of "those days."
When my daughter was unappreciative of the shoes I brought home, I let her know that I was only trying to help. I did not appreciate her attitude and response, and let her know what a more appropriate response could have been. In retrospect, asking my daughter what she thought a more appropriate response might be, could have been better.
When it became apparent that my son was not going to be able to mow the lawn, I knew if I wanted it done that night it would be up to me. There was nothing my son could have done about the situation, not knowing how long it would take him to finish his project. My choices were that I could get upset or just do it.
I know how easy it can be to have a pity party. Woe is me, the single parent. Trust me I have had my share. Thank goodness I have learned that it doesn't do me any good, or my kids. I grabbed my iPod and headed out to mow the lawn. Listening to Contemporary Christian music is encouraging to me and renews my mind. I had to make the decision that I was not going to allow myself to go to the pity party. When those thoughts try to take over, I purposely have to redirect my focus and thoughts. For me, listening to music, redirecting my thoughts and the physical energy spent mowing the lawn helped me develop a better mind set.
When you find yourself headed for a pity party. Here are some tips to help you avoid the party or at least not stay there for long.
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Think about what you are thinking about. Control your thoughts. Chose to focus on something positive. Think about how far you have come. The accomplishments you have made; maybe it is getting through some uncomfortable situations, meeting with an attorney, a counselor, having the courage to face some people for the first time after your divorce, getting through all of the paperwork.
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Choose to focus on things for which you are thankful. Some days it may just be your health, your home, a car that runs, food on the table, a friend, or sunshine.
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Focus on someone else. Think about what you might do to help somebody else.
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If you feel like you need to talk about it, call a trusted friend or family member and let them know you just need to vent for a few minutes. Get it out. Don't dwell on it. Begin to fill your mind with positive thoughts. I have been blessed with a few good friends that understand every once in awhile I just need to "complain" for a few minutes and then I am good. Amazing how much better you can feel just sharing something with someone.
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If you don't have someone to talk to, try journaling or writing down your feelings. I know some people do not like to write. Maybe give it a try anyway. Writing down my thoughts, feelings, prayers, helps me to process them. It can be encouraging when you look back on entries and see how you survived, overcame a challenge, grew from a situation or how prayers were answered.
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Take a break and read something that encourages you, motivates you or gives you hope. You know it is not enough to stop thinking about something, you need to replace your thoughts with something else. Listen to motivational or teaching audios, music that inspires you. Replace the negative with something positive.
Joyce Meyer often says, "You can be pitiful or powerful, but you cannot be both." What will you be?
My Coach, Dr. Jerry Graham, recently had the link below on his blog. I thought it had some good tips, relative to today's post. For more ideas on staying positive in a negative situation, check out the link below.
15 Tips to Stay Positive in a Negative Situation
Copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser All rights reserved.
