How was your Christmas Holiday? Were you able to enjoy it? Or are you glad it is over? The first Christmas during or after a divorce is usually the most difficult. The good news is that You Survived! It is over until next year. Believe it or not, next year will be a bit easier.
If you have children, hopefully you were able to have them either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. We have always alternated each year. This year I had my children on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning after we opened gifts, I took them to their dad’s.
My daughter had a friend spend the night last night whose parents divorced this year. One parent had the children for the first week of Winter break and the other parent gets the children for the second week of Winter break. When we took her friend home this morning, it was the first time for the one parent to see the children in a week. Needless to say, it was extremely difficult for the parent who did not get to see the children over Christmas. Although the parent who did not have the children tried to ask for the opportunity to take the children to Christmas Eve services and allow the other parent to take them to dinner next year on Christmas Eve, the other parent was unwilling to share or make changes.
Everyone has to decide what schedule will work best for them, their family, traditions, celebrations, etc. When parenting times are being determined in the divorce process it can be challenging to come up with a firm plan. What may have seemed like an acceptable plan at the time, may not be what you really want, or what works best for everyone’s schedule when the time comes.
Figuring out parenting time can be a learn as you go process. It may work for a few years and then need to be revisited. Maybe you realize it needs to be changed before or after the first year. It is important to be open to changes and/or modifications. Be flexible and try to reach a “mutually acceptable” agreement.
If the original agreement sounded good at the time because you had the children for the entire holiday, great for you this year. Next year, when you do not get to see the children for Christmas, you may not think it was such a great idea. Remember when you are not flexible or willing to compromise, you are setting a precedence. Sometime in the future when you might desire a change in the schedule, the other parent may follow your lead and be unwilling to change the schedule.
Parenting time should not be a win lose situation. The best thing you can do for your children is to keep your personal feelings toward your ex spouse out of the decision making process. Think about what is best for the children, their desires and what might be a fair compromise. Be flexible. It is often difficult to know what schedule will work best for parenting time until you have gone through it a time or two. Each year may present different factors to consider.
Feel free to share comments or your experience with sharing children over the Holidays. Did your original schedule work? If you or your ex-spouse desired changes were you able to come to an agreement?
Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved Shelley Grieser
