Persevering Through the Valley of Divorce

We cannot always control our circumstances, nor can we control other people. The only thing we can control is how we respond to our circumstances and the choices we make. It can be really frustrating when our circumstances take a downward turn and no matter what we do, despite our best efforts and prayers, we can not change them.

If you are in the process of divorce, you may relate to the frustration of feeling like you have no control. Possibly your spouse gave up on your marriage and/or found someone else. You may feel as if your life has been turned upside down and there is nothing you can do about it. Being forced to go through a divorce you never wanted can be devastating, unfair, crushing.

The truth and reality becomes, we are getting divorced. We may not like it. We may not want it, but it is reality. Now what? How does one persevere through the valley? In my last post I told you I would share how I found encouragement to persevere through the valley.

Below I have listed the 4 main sources that encouraged and motivated me to persevere through the valley.

Faith. If you are a Christian believer, your faith is the best source of encouragement. Seeking God, His Word, wisdom, guidance and promises can give you the strength, hope and encouragement to persevere.

For me, I “thought” I was a Christian, before my marriage problems. It was not until I was faced with problems in my marriage that I became a true “believer” and developed a relationship with God.

Counseling/Therapy. Meeting with a good therapist or counselor that can help you sort through the emotions, feelings, grieving process and gain understanding. For me it was important to work with a Christian to help me process all of this through a faith perspective.

Support. Who is your support system? Family? Friends? Be sure to do the best you can to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. At the same time, it is important to find support from people who share the same faith, beliefs and values, as you do.

Amazing how much advice you may receive that does not align with your values and beliefs. Going through my separation, becoming a “believer,” I learned a lot about people based on their advice and thoughts they shared with me. I really had to use discernment and process some of the advice with more mature Christians.

Be open to seeking out support. If you do not have any friends or family near you or who have gone through divorce, find people who are going through or have been through a divorce. People going through a divorce can feel like they are the only one. Not true.

For those of you who do not know my story, I had moved to Colorado away from all my family and friends. The friends I had made were all married. A year and a half after moving to Colorado, my marriage issues surfaced. Finding a divorce recovery group was one of the best things that helped me persevere through the journey. 

Children. When you have children living at home and you are about to become a single parent, may your children be a source of encouragement. For me, my children were very young. I knew I needed to get myself healthy, to overcome my divorce and try to become the best parent I could be. I came from a broken home. I never wanted my children to experience divorce. My children were a great source of motivation for me to recover.

I hope these sources give you ideas or inspiration to help you persevere through the valley. God never said that life would be easy. The Bible says we can expect trials and tribulations. It is in the “going through” that we become refined, learn and grow. It develops our “character.” If you feel like you already have enough “character” you are not alone. I remember thinking; “How much character do I need?” God knew.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, or would like to share a source of encouragement to persevere, feel free to leave a comment below. You never know when your comment may help someone else. Blessings to you as you persevere through the valley.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.