How do you perceive people who are divorced? Has your perception changed since you experienced divorce? Let me ask you this, and be honest with yourself, how do you perceive yourself? Do you think less of yourself because you are divorced? Do any of these words describe your perception of yourself; failure, damaged goods, victim, unlovable, flawed, unworthy, not valued, less intelligent, poor communicator, unacceptable, defeated, or loser?
When some of my friends from divorce recovery group would get together we would jokingly hold up an “L” on our foreheads for “Loser,” or a big “D” for “Divorced.” Although we were kidding around, many of us, if we were honest would have to say that we felt like a loser at some point during/after our divorce. When you are newly divorced, in the company of married people, and you are the only single person, one might feel as if there is a flashing neon “D” or “L” on your forehead.
I am here to tell you that there is NO flashing “L” or “D” on your forehead.If you have a negative perception of people who are divorced, including yourself, I encourage you to re-evaluate your thoughts. Do not accept or allow yourself to think negative thoughts about yourself because you are divorced. You control what you think. Before you can change your attitude/life, you must be willing to change your thoughts.
My next post, I will continue with “Changing Your Thoughts will Change Your Perception”
Please feel free to comment and share your perceptions/experiences of being a “divorcee.” Have you ever felt inferior because you are divorced? Do you know others who have expressed how they perceive themselves once they were divorced?
Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved
Wow! I sure can relate! Remind me to tell you my little “you are no good” story sometime. Great post, Shelley. Keep up the great work.
God bless,
Jerry
Some say to me “at least someone loved you enough to marry you” or “you’re so lucky to have your freedom and ‘independence’ ” but am I? Really? Yes, even after 20 years, I sometimes do feel like a loser for being divorced and having never re-married, especially when I see my ex-husband has remarried and seems so happy and I feel so stuck in my life. I feel like people look at my ex’s life with his 2d wife, kids, the SUV, the nice house and then sees me at nearly 50 still living in a studio apartment, having a beater car and a boring job and thinks I’m the failure and was the ‘bad one’ in the previous marriage. People can talk all that talk about how “free” and “liberated” they are after getting divorced, but most of that is a front as far as I’m concerned. After a few years all that “freedom” and “liberation” gets old…and what I really want is someone who cares about me and want to be in a truly committed relationship, including marriage. Yet, there’s no one out there and the guy I’m dating is not interested in marriage. Yeah, I should break up with him, but then what? I get scared I’m gonna wind up dying alone with no one to mourn me. If I had it to do over, I would not have gotten a divorce…it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened in my life.