A Hope Filled Future

Divorce Care: 12 Great Ways to Care for Yourself

Shelley Grieser — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:09:01 +0000

This may be your first year being separated or divorced going through the holidays, or possibly you have been divorced for a while. The holiday season may bring back memories of past joyful holidays, renewed sadness from broken dreams and now split family celebrations. Now more than ever, before you enter the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, you need to think about how you can take care of yourself.

It can be challenging to remember to take care of you, especially as single parents and single individuals. Be realistic about your limitations and don’t be afraid to set some boundaries. This year may look a bit different and that is okay.

Today I want to share with you a list of ideas for taking care of yourself (especially during the busy holiday season.) I know you are busy so I want to make this as easy as possible. I have prepared a list below of 12 ways that you can care for yourself. Review the list and write down the ones that speak to you. Then take a few minutes to add or modify options that are more suitable to you.

12 Great Ways for taking care of yourself:

Spend 15 minutes in the morning preparing for the day ahead. Begin with thinking of things you are grateful for in your life. Focus on the good things; don’t let your mind focus on the negative. If you are a believer, begin by reading your Bible, read the Proverb that corresponds with the date. If you like to meditate, to get centered and focused for the day, meditate.
Exercise 30 minutes 3-5 times a week. (Determine the days you will do it and when) You can include the kids with a bike ride, hike, run, or swim…
Make healthy choices for meals and snacks. (Plan ahead)
Limit the sweets and treats you eat at the office, home, and at parties over the holidays.
You may need a “time out” with your friends or family for coffee, lunch, or dinner, when you can connect with people who are important to you, to support each other, laugh and spend quality time together.
Set boundaries. Think before you commit to attend a party, another holiday program, to make or bake something when you really don’t have the time, or desire. It is okay to say “No.”

Setting boundaries may include not putting yourself in an uncomfortable position where you have to answer a lot of questions about your separation or divorce.
Not allowing people (former spouse) to speak negatively to you.
Recognizing your limits, establishing boundaries that work for you and sticking to them.
Protecting time for yourself and not letting anyone make you feel guilty about it.

Listen to worship music, or teachings from Joyce Meyer, Andy Stanley, Joel Osteen, Beth Moore, Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, or whomever you find inspiring, encouraging or motivating. You can easily take advantage of listening to music or teachings while you are driving in the car, exercising, baking, wrapping gifts, cleaning your house, working on a project or hobby.
Instead of watching something negative or depressing on television, why not watch something on your computer that is uplifting, encouraging or inspiring, or brings you peace. Do you realize that you can listen or watch most church services and/or TV programs on-line? You can subscribe to podcasts from many shows and ministries for free. This means you can have access to listening or watching something positive and encouraging any hour of the day.
Take a walk, get outside and get some fresh air daily.
Go to the spa and have a massage, or get a pedicure, manicure, or facial.
Schedule time to do something you enjoy such as; reading a good book, watching a movie, go hiking, skiing, bowling, scrapbooking, hunting, visiting family or friends, take a day trip. Shop for you, pursue a hobby, take a class, or attend a sporting or cultural event.
Meet with a trusted friend, counselor or support person to share and process feelings, thoughts and emotions that you may be experiencing. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can also be very therapeutic.

Note: if and when people offer to help you in some way, let them. It’s okay to accept help, especially if you are a single parent. Some day you can pay it forward.

Recently on the Divorced Parent Telesummit, Bill McLeod had this to say; “If you are not organized your mind is going to be so cluttered with things you are going to do, and again you will not be there for your children. One of the things in balancing your life, we all as loving parents want to do everything for our children, we want to be there for them, love them and help them to grow up and be better than we were and more
successful than we were, but if you don’t have balance in your own personal life, if you don’t have a foundation, you are going to be in huge trouble with your kids…So I really think establishing a schedule is important, taking the time for you. I know single parents right now, who won’t go out. I’ve got to be there for my kids, I’ve got to be with them all the time. I don’t have time for myself… A couple of things I see people make mistakes of is overbooking themselves.”

I hope that some of these ideas prompted you to think of ways you can take care of you. If you are up to making a commitment, why not pick 3 things that you are willing to do to
care for yourself in the week ahead. Begin today by writing down a clear and measurable goal or objective for taking care of you. Then list 2-3 action steps you will take and when you intend to take them, and post it some where you will see it.

If you want to be held accountable, share this plan with someone and ask them to be your
accountability partner. You could even come up with a reward for yourself when you accomplish your objective. Repeat this exercise for the next several weeks to help you get through the holidays.

If you missed the Divorced Parent Telesummit and the valuable information shared by Bill McLeod and others, click here, to find out how you can read and/or hear their interviews.

Determine to do something good for yourself. What a difference it will make.

Blessings to You this upcoming Holiday Season!

Co-Parenting with Conflict? Need Solutions?

Shelley Grieser — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:32:42 +0000

Did you know that conflict hurts children way more than divorce? Even if you are not in conflict at this moment, it seems like some conflict is inevitable when you are a co-parent.

That’s why I’m reminding you about the call series that is happening now – Co-Parenting Without Conflict on the Divorced Parent Telesummit. It’s a series of calls with tons of tips and practical help so that you can co-parent without conflict.

When this series was conceived, we wanted to help you get some hands-on info about conflict-free co-parenting so that you can help your children.

Since there is no cost, everyone can afford it. And since it is something your kids really need, I encourage you to sign up even though it’s midway in the series.

There is still time to sign up and if you sign up now, you can listen to Dorcy Russell’s replay from last night. Dorcy is an expert on Parental Alienation and High Conflict Divorce. She shared so much valuable information last night, I couldn’t write fast enough (seriously!) Tonight we have Donna Blevins a professional poker player and Mindset Coach who (is 6’5″) and will share “How to Handle the Cards Live Deals You“ The rest of the series continues until Friday, when we talk to Deesha and Mike of Co-Parenting 101. They are co-parenting 2 daughters without conflict everyday. They did not always see eye to eye and they’ll share how they worked through their differences.

So sign up now to listen and to get the Ten Commandments for Co-Parenting Without Conflict from our speakers.

If you want more information on this topic, read my recent Ezine article: Co-Parenting With Conflict: What Can You Do?

I really hope that you will join us on the calls. This is such a great opprotunity to hear from all of these experts for free! Dorcy told us last night that she charges $500 an hour for her coaching and consulting. Pam Wynn (Co-host for Divorced Parent Telesummit)and I are so grateful to all of our wonderful speakers for their willingness to share their wisdom and knowledge with you.

Sign up and take advantage of this once in a harvest moon opportunity! If you already signed up – be sure to listen! “See” you tonight at 9:30pm ET/8:30pm CT/7:30pm MT/6:30 pm PT.

Did You Hear Carolyn Ellis and Rosalind Sedacca?

Shelley Grieser — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 06:00:57 +0000

Did you happen to catch Carolyn Ellis last night on the Divorced Parent Telesummit? If not, I would highly encourage you to go listen to the recording before it goes away on Wed. at 9:30 pm ET/8:30 pm CT/7:30 pm MT/6:30 pm PT.

Carolyn shared key information from her Thrive Principles, as well as some of the common pitfalls of divorce and how you can avoid them. She explained what it means to do your emotional homework, and what you may be teaching your children without even realizing it.

If you missed tonight’s call with Rosalind Sedacca, she shared how to tell your children about divorce, age appropriate information for different levels of maturity and understanding. She said “It is not your divorce that affects the children, but how you (the parents) handle it that will have the greatest impact on your kids.”

Rosalind gave some thought provoking questions for parents to ask themselves before you speak or interact with your ex. She shared useful tips and strategies for keeping the focus on your children, putting their best interest first and what some of the consequences are when you choose conflict. Rosalind spoke about communication with your ex, tips on how to communicate effectivley, even when the relationship is stressed, tense, or difficult.

Rosalind’s replay will be available until Thur. night when the session begins at 9:30 pm ET. I wanted to send out this reminder to you, because I don’t want you to miss this valuable information. You have opportunity to listen to these speakers for free, at a time when money and paying for help, support, expert information may be difficult.

Pam and I wanted to give everyone the opportunity to listen to these speakers and be able to learn from them, their personal experiences, training, education and knowledge. You have the chance to get 10 hours of quality education and information for free. If you haven’t signed up there is still time. Click on Divorced Parent Telesummit to register and get the details to listen.

For those who want the information to have as a resource or ability to listen at their convenience later, we also provide you with the opportunity to purchase the mp3 downloads of all 10 sessions at the Silver Level, for $47.

At the Gold Level participation you get the mp3′s, transcripts of each session (like having a reference manual), participation in a private FaceBook group where you can ask the speakers your most pressing questions, interact with other participants. This group is completely private, only the participants in the group will ever see any information shared. We also have some other special bonuses that you can read about, if you are interested. We have kept the prices low and affordable for you. The Gold Level is $67, which is less than a one hour session with any of our featured speakers, and you get all 10 sessions.

Take action now, and go register here to get the details. Listen to Carolyn and Rosalind before the replays are over. I know you will find it worth your time.

Introducing Christina McGhee on the Divorced Parent Telesummit

Shelley Grieser — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 21:16:01 +0000

It is an absolute pleasure to introduce, Christina McGhee, our next featured speaker on the Divorced Parent Telesummit. Dubbed the “divorce coach,” Christina McGhee, is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author and parent educator who believes knowing what to expect and having access to support are often the defining difference between children surviving or thriving when parents split up. Her new book, Parenting Apart, How Separated And Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kidsaims to meet that need by providing practical guidance and immediate solutions to the most critical problems of parenting after divorce.

Christina’s strategies have taken thousands of parents from feeling overwhelmed and hopeless to empowered and confident. She is the founder of DivorceandChildren.com, has co-produced the award winning children’s DVD Lemons 2 Lemonade: How to Handle Life When Things Go Sour Between Mom and Dad and was featured in the Channel 4 British documentary “How to Divorce Without Screwing Up Your Children.”

A leading authority on children and divorce, Christina firmly believes raising happy, secure and confident children in today’s fast paced world is possible – even when Mom and Dad don’t live under the same roof. She not only teaches that philosophy but also works very hard to live by it. As a child from a divorced family and a bonus mom, Christina has first-hand experience at constructively managing the challenges that come with parenting out of two homes.

After reviewing Christina’s book, I immediately became a huge fan. My initial thought was how I wish I had her book to help me when I was going through my own divorce. Below is an excerpt of my (Shelley’s) review of Christina’s book.

“Christina’s approach is always positive and encouraging. She provides suggestions and practical, easy to implement, methods for parents to co-parent effectively. You may not be able to control the other parent and their choices, but what you can do is make informed, educated, decisions on how you will parent your children. Christina’s book is the perfect resource to guide you through divorce as a parent and transition into an effective co-parenting relationship with your ex. Her book is a comprehensive, well written, easy to follow guide for any divorcing or divorced parents. Parenting Apart is one of those books that you can go to when you experience new situations or stages as your children grow and you enter new phases of parenting. It is worth much more than the price you will pay to purchase this book. You will not be disappointed.”

If you would like to learn more about Christina’s book, click here.

If you are not registered to attend the Divorced Parent Telesummit, sign up NOW. This is your opportunity to hear Christina share valuable information that you can begin using immediately. Click on the blue button found in the upper right corner of this page, under Reserve Your Seat Today.

Christina will be speaking Friday, September 30th at 9:30 pm EST/8:30pm CST/6:30 pm PST.

Introducing Richard “RJ” Jaramillo on the Divorced Parent Telesummit

Shelley Grieser — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 18:27:48 +0000

I couldn’t be more excited to introduce Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, Founder and President of SingleDad.com, as our next speaker. RJ as he likes to be called is a single dad of 3 children, located in San Diego, CA.

Twelve years ago when RJ became a single parent, he realized how few resources were available to help him succeed as a single parent. Support groups, organizations, web sites and play groups were everywhere for single moms and nowhere for single dads. He also became acutely aware of the social stigma often associated with single dads: viewed largely as “weekend dads” or as uncaring and absent from their children’s lives. RJ encountered single dads everywhere who were dedicated to raising their children but were in desperate need of assistance.

RJ first began sharing his “on-the-job training experiences and tips” with other single dads through email and phone calls. Word spread and the calls and emails increased. With such an obvious need and his personal desire to help other single dads, RJ developed the concept for this dynamic online community and resource center in 2007.

SingleDad.com is the first comprehensive online resource developed for single dads, yet open and accepting of single moms. The site offers an extensive array of valuable services, advice and referrals to help single dads navigate through the daily challenges of single parenting by providing the highest quality resources and timely information to support the family’s continued health, wealth and general well-being.

SingleDad.com is more than just a portal; it’s an interactive, social network that instantly connects single dads nationwide. The online community enables single dads to exchange ideas, build camaraderie and provide helpful tips and advice to each other. Lessons learned from throughout this community can help ease the stress of single parenting while enriching the lives of its members. For more information visit RJ’s site at
http://www.singledad.com While you are there, click on the banners for Single Dad Coaching to learn about coaching opportunities with RJ.

Trust us, you do not want to miss RJ’s session. He is authentic, compassionate, knowledgeable and caring. He promises to share some useful tips for building a winning co-parenting team, on Thursday, September 29th at 9:30 pm EST/ 7:30 pm MST/6:30 pm PST.

If you’re not registered for the Divorced Parent Telesummit, why not? Go fill out the information to register here and we will send you a reminder notice. It’s FREE – so don’t miss out on this valuable opportunity!

Bill McLeod, Speaker for the Divorced Parent Telesummit

Shelley Grieser — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 13:11:08 +0000

Today I am happy to introduce you to Bill McLeod, the third speaker in our line-up. Bill is the creator of SingleParentsTown.com. He is a full-time, 24/7,single dad of two children. We were intrigued with Bill’s story and the challenges him and his family have had to overcome.

Bill’s wife had issues with alcohol which eventually led to their separation; Bill having full-time custody of his children, divorce and eventually the death of his ex-wife 5 years ago. Bill has dealt with more challenges than many of us single parents and yet continues to maintain a positive outlook on life.

Join us on Wednesday, September 28^th for the Divorced Parent Telesummit call when Bill will share what it is like to have your children experience circumstances in their young lives that no child should have to face: confusion, fear, grief and anxiety. Learn how he handled his circumstances and what advice he has for others.

Perhaps Bill says it best:

“I am not a child psychologist, nor am I an expert at raising children. What I am is a single parent, just like you. I have learned how to deal with my set of circumstances in a positive, effective and successful way. I have done it by never giving up, never ceasing to learn, never believing that the wonderful opportunity I have been given to lead and inspire my children is a blessing not a curse. And finally, knowing that no matter how tough times can be, they will get better if I’m willing to make it happen. It is my hope and dream that Single Parents Town will provide you with inspiration, motivation, and a set of resources and advice, to allow each of you to be the best single parent that you can be for your children.

Always remember…

“Anybody can be a father, it takes a special person to be a dad”

If you haven’t registered to attend the Divorced Parent Telesummit yet, take action NOW! Go sign up here, to get the call-in information and put it on your calendar. You don’t want to miss this opportunity to hear from these experts!

Rosalind Sedacca – Speaker for Divorced Parent Telesummit

Shelley Grieser — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 15:50:21 +0000

Today I would like to introduce you to Rosalind (Roz) Sedacca, CCT. Much like you, Rosalind is a parent who experienced divorce and all the insecurities, confusion, fears and anxieties that go with it. Her primary concern was minimizing any negative effects on her child not only in the months ahead, but also in the decades that would follow.

On Roz’s journey of co-parenting, she learned a lot about mistakes to avoid, smart steps to take and skills to learn — to help parents create an effective co-parenting relationship. She became passionate about raising the awareness of parents, educators and society as a whole about the emotional and psychological effects of divorce on children. This led Roz to create the Child-Centered Divorce Network.

Rosalind personally initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month which is commemorated throughout North America every July to remind parents, educators, divorce professionals and the media about the challenges faced every day by children of divorce.

Her goal is to spread the word that when parents divorce, their children need them more than ever. She wants to help you avoid the mistakes that create emotional pain for your children. Roz is here to help you stay out of the courts whenever possible. She encourages you to be a compassionate, loving parent who understands your children’s need for both their parents in their lives.

Visit the Child-Centered Divorce Network where you will find the support you need in moving on in the best ways for you, your children as well as their other parent. Remember, parental decisions about divorce can affect your children – for years – and often for a lifetime. Don’t let them down.

Be sure to tune in for Roz’s session on Tue., Septemeber 27th at 9:30 pm EST/ 7:30 pm MST/ 6:30 pm PST when she shares some insightful tips on how to recognize the early warning signs of guilt, shame, anger or other stress-generated behavior in your kids and much more.

If you haven’t already signed up to attend the Divorced Parent Telesummit, what are you waiting for… it begins Sept. 26th.

And the best part – It’s FREE!

Divorced Parent Telesummit Featuring Carolyn Ellis

Shelley Grieser — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:08:56 +0000

Pam and I have truly enjoyed getting to know each of the speakers for the Divorced Parent Telesummit. They are each so unique, gifted and compassionate about helping others overcome the challenges of divorce.

Today I want to introduce you to our first speaker for the Divorced Parent Telesummit, Carolyn Ellis. Carolyn is a Success Strategist, creator of the THRIVE Principles ™ and founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com which offers success strategies and award-winning resources for separated and divorced individuals. She is well educated, experienced, personable and passionate about what she does. Her personal mission is to empower and inspire people to fearlessly and effortlessly create and express their highest potential. She is the author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid so Your Children Thrive After Divorce which earned the prestigious Publisher´s Choice designation from her publisher.

Carolyn is a member of Collaborative Practice Toronto, an interdisciplinary group of family lawyers, financial planners and mental health professionals dedicated to supporting families going through divorce collaboratively and with respect. She coaches individuals world-wide. Before becoming a divorce coach and author, Carolyn had a successful fundraising career in the education sector, served as a senior policy advisor to government and worked on Wall Street.

Her three amazing school age children and bouncy labradoodle dog are her daily sources of inspiration and joy. She lives in Toronto, Ontario.

Carolyn has so much valuable information to share, be sure to have your pen and paper ready to take notes. Don’t forget to put Monday, September 26th at 9:30 pm EST/7:30 pm MST/6:30 pm PST on your calendar. Click here to sign up now and tell your friends. It’s FREE!!

Announcing The Divorced Parent Telesummit

Shelley Grieser — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 21:43:09 +0000

I am so EXCITED today to share some really BIG news with you. You may have noticed that I have not been very active on my blog for awhile and I apologize. The reason for my absence, I have been busy working on a project that will greatly benefit divorced parents.

I have joined together with a friend and colleague, Pamela S. Wynn, MSW, JD, Attorney and Divorce Professor, to create and host the first Divorced Parent Telesummit. If you are a parent, separated, divorcing, or divorced and stressed with all the changes in life, the challenges of single parenting and worried about the impact of divorce on your children, then you won’t want to miss this event. The Divorced Parent Telesummit will empower and guide single parents to be wise and confident as you provide a sense of peace and security to your children.

If you are not familiar with the concept of a Telesummit, let me explain. A Telesummit is a virtual event that you attend from the comfort of your own home, via computer or phone. The Divorced Parent Telesummit will begin Monday, September 26 at 9:30 pm EST/7:30 pm MST/6:30 pm PST. (sessions are 60 minutes) We will feature a different speaker every night at the same time (Monday-Friday) the weeks of September 26th and October 3rd, for a total of 10 speakers.

I really want to encourage you to share this information with your friends, family or co-workers who may be separated, divorcing or divorced parents. Pam and I have been so impressed with these speakers. This is your chance to:

learn from each of their personal experiences,
discover their passion for sharing what they have learned and helping others to avoid common mistakes,
receive valuable tips and practical tools for overcoming challenges such as communicating with a difficult ex, single parenting, finding balance and how to have an effective co-parenting relationship.

These speakers have so much knowledge and wisdom to share. You really don’t want to miss this opportunity to learn from people who have walked in your foot steps as parents, on this journey of divorce.

The best part, you can attend the Divorce Parent Telesummit absolutley free, when you register for the event. To find out the details and sign up to attend, click on Divorced Parent Telesummit.

In the days to come, I will introduce you to the speakers on my blog. If you can’t wait and want to find out who they are, you can go to the Divorced Parent Telesummit.

This Father’s Day, Support the Single Parents in Your Life

Shelley Grieser — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:02:34 +0000

This is an article I found printed in the DentonRC on Saturday by Pam Rainey, that I wanted to share with you. Recently I was speaking with a Divorce Expert for children regarding our upcoming Divorced Parent Telesummit, I was surprised to learn that 60% of her clients are men/single fathers. As Father’s Day approaches, I hope that all of us will remember the Single Father’s we know who are trying to be the best dad’s they can be for their children. I also really like the idea of Seniors reaching out to single parent families.

Years ago, my husband and I had a wonderful trip to Reno, Nev. While there, one of the celebrity shows we saw was Bill Cosby. He came out on stage with only a straight chair, where he sat to deliver a most entertaining presentation about Father’s Day.

Although Mr. Cosby kept us laughing for over an hour, I carried away a serious thought I’ve never forgotten. He reminded us how on Mother’s Day we as a nation carry the occasion over the top. But on Father’s Day, we either run out of ideas or don’t make a big fuss over poor ol’ Dad.

Maybe, Cosby reminded us, it is because fathers don’t want clothes or perfume as a gift.

Or maybe we take them for granted.

When a very close member of my family fought for and gained custody of his three underage sons, it was a victory. In my lifetime I’ve not seen many cases where the mother did not gain child custody when the parents break up.

While raising his sons, and doing it very well, my loved one is active in his community, involved in his local church, and still finds time to drive an elderly woman to her chemotherapy appointments. I’m not sure how he gets it done. He’s a dad to be celebrated.

Normally, when we think of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, we think of a family where there is a mother and father living in the same household. But look around your neighborhood.

In an article by Marsha Ginsberg, the author says: “In a development that turns the concept of the Ozzie and Harriet family on its head, the number of single-father households soared by 62 percent in the past decade — 10 times faster than traditional homes and 2 1/2 times faster than single-mother households.”

Senior adults are living longer and often looking for meaningful ways to help their community. Divorce is a reality in our society, and many parents find themselves single after the death of their mate. How can seniors help single parents?
• Provide an occasional meal for a single parent.
• Give a gift certificate for fast food, the supermarket or a clothing store. A gift certificate to a department store when school starts could really help.
• Offer to pay for school supplies for the children.
• Include the family in special celebrations or casual events. This way, single parents who live far from their parents can enjoy a holiday or birthday surrounded by people who care about them.

Offering emotional support to a newly divorced person is probably the most helpful support you can give. You can make a phone call, send a note or drop by with cookies to let them know you are thinking of them.

So where do you find single fathers? I have become acquainted with several single fathers at my church. You might find single fathers who need your help in your place of worship or in your neighborhood, apartment complex or through your family.

Senior adults can often be a stabilizing force for children who need someone to listen or to take them on a fishing trip or a shopping trip, giving the parent a few hours to relax.

As we remember to say “Happy Father’s Day” this month, don’t forget the single fathers out there. As senior adults, perhaps we can discover new meaning in our life as we add support to a family who might just need an extra helping hand.

PAM RAINEY is a 40-year Denton resident and a real estate agent who has helped many seniors make decisions about living arrangements. You can reach her with suggestions at RpmRny@cs.com or 940-367-1188