If you are in the process of divorce or your divorce process is final, I wonder if you truly know the “reason” for your divorce? Did your spouse have an affair, or are they “in love” with someone else? Possibly the reason you were given was, “I just don’t love you any more,” or how about this one, “I am not happy. I want to be happy.”
Are any of these satisfactory reasons or explanations for a divorce? I wonder what did your spouse say to you, (if you were on the receiving end) when he/she asked for a divorce? Whatever the reason that may have been given, does it make it any easier to move on? The fact that a spouse gives you a “reason,” is it really necessary to have a “reason” before you can move on with your life?
Let me explain what prompted me to write about this subject. I was recently involved in a conversation where a person’s husband had asked her for a divorce and refused to give her any explanation. The divorce is final. This woman continues to be hung up on getting an explanation. She is so focused on this issue that it is preventing her from moving forward with her life.
I understand her desire to have some sort of an explanation. When a person is wanting to walk out on what is intended to be a life time commitment, I believe the spouse is entitled to an explanation. However, we do not always get what we want. Since we have no control over other people, we can request an explanation as many times as we want, but it does not mean we will ever get one. So what do you do?
If this happened to you, if your spouse did not give you an explanation or a “satisfactory” explanation, I encourage you to let it go. The fact is your ex-spouse decided they no longer wanted to be in a marriage relationship with you. (I do not mean this to sound harsh) Having a “valid” (after all what is “valid”?) reason will not change your circumstances. Your former spouse took action to move on with his/her life. Now you have a choice to make. Will you choose to accept your circumstances and move forward? Or will you choose to put your life on hold, hoping some day to get an explanation as to why your ex-spouse wanted to get a divorce?
If you would like to read more about this subject, you can read my recent e-zine article; “Is Not Knowing the “Reason” for Your Divorce Holding You Back?” Feel free to share comments from your experience below. What are your thoughts. Do you think having an explanation helps you to have closure with your marriage/divorce relationship? Does having an explanation make it any easier? Your story may help someone else.
Blessings to you as you persevere to let go of the past and embrace your future.
Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.
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I’m going through divorce right now and still love my wife very much(which makes it a difficult thing to do.) We struggled very hard to keep our marriage together using counseling, psychiatry, prayer, patience and various medications. After 15 years of the struggle we were literally worn out. Marriage is complex, and I don’t think there is only just one reason why we are divorcing. Ours would probably be a long list of reasons. So, I can tell you from experience, knowing reasons doesn’t make it any less painful; it just drags me down more thinking about all the reasons.
Thank You for sharing your experience, Jeff. What a great point that you make. Relationships are complex and can be very complicated. I would venture to say that most marriages that end in divorce have multiple reasons. A spouse choosing to have an affair for example may be the final straw, or the event that leads to divorce, yet there are many contributing issues with one or both spouses that make up the “real” reason.
God Bless you, Jeff, as you endure the path of divorce. May God’s comfort, healing and strength surround you.
Shelley