Did you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this past week? Are you one of those people who makes it a point to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? Do you eat corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day? My kids love corned beef, so we have it every year. This year I fixed cabbage for the first time and it was a hit. My daughter loved the cabbage so much she could hardly wait to go to school the next day to tell her best friend, she likes another vegetable!
What do St. Patrick’s Day and Wedding Rings Have in Common?
You may be wondering to yourself, what does St. Patrick’s Day have to do with your wedding ring? For me, St. Patrick’s Day is a reminder of the day I quit wearing my wedding ring. You see it was on January 5th when my husband informed me “he was ready to move on” and wanted to get a divorce, yet, both of us continued to wear our wedding rings. So, I wonder, when in the process did you stop wearing your wedding ring?
Removing the ring, what does it mean?
I remember not wanting to take my ring off. I rather liked my ring and being married. Taking my ring off would be embarrassing (bit of a pride issue.) It would be admitting publicly that my marriage had failed. I had a 3 year old and a 5 year old at the time. I was a stay at home mom. All of my friends were married. No one else at Preschool was divorced. I would now be different, in a class of my own tagged “divorced.”
Not wanting to remove my ring was surrounded by pride, fear, insecurity and avoiding reality. Being a single mom would reveal my husband’s rejection of me. I feared that people would ask me about my status and I would have to explain. Taking off my ring made it real. How about you, was it hard for you to stop wearing your wedding ring?
Why St. Patrick’s Day?
It was a Sunday. Our parenting schedule at the time provided my soon to be ex-husband would bring the kids to church and I would take them home. I had been wearing my wedding ring except when I went to my Divorce Recovery class and to counseling. When I was getting ready for church that morning I decided this was it. I felt I was living a lie and I could no longer pretend my marriage was not over. Especially at church.
My wedding ring had actually lost it’s meaning and symbolism long before I put it away. Removing my wedding ring was one more step towards letting go of the past and being able to move forward. I know some people who wear their ring until the day the divorce is final and others who remove their rings before they even separate.
How about You?
I would love to hear your story. Was it difficult for you to stop wearing your wedding ring? When in the process did you stop wearing your ring? Did you feel a freedom to move forward after taking the ring off? Please share your thoughts and experiences below. You may be surprised you are not alone in your feelings. Also, your story may help someone else. Please share.
Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.
What a heart-tugging story, Shelley. I heard some sagely advice while away last week. “You can’t change what you do not acknowledge.” Thanks for sharing your heart. We’re all so much better for it.
God bless,
Jerry
It has been 9 months since my H filed for divorce. There was a brief time I stopped wearing my ring. I decided, though, that I am still married and I will wear it. It may contribute to my difficulty letting go or overall difficulty with this whole process but I am doing it anyways. In a short time I won’t be married anymore and won’t be able to wear it so I choose to wear it now. I, too, like being married. I love my ring which my husband had made for our 10th anniversary. It’s a reminder that I think he at one time loved me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I believe you will know when it is the right time for you to remove your wedding ring. There is no “right” time to stop wearing your ring. Everyone’s situation is personal and unique. It is your choice – I like how you said you “choose” to wear it now. Blessings to you in your healing and journey of recovery.
Thank you for sharing your story. I believe you will know when it is the
right time for you to stop wearing your wedding ring. There is no “right”
time for everyone. Each person’s situation is unique. I like how you said
you “choose” to wear your ring now. It is a choice and it is okay. Blessings
to you in your healing and journey of recovery.
I stopped wearing my diamond ring when my H said he thought he wanted a divorce (a week after our 5th anniversary,) but I kept wearing my simple wedding band. I, too, felt like “I am still married, so I will at least continue to wear my wedding ring.” I loved being married and I loved my diamond ring, but just felt I couldn’t wear that while we were “working on it” and going to therapy. Once my H moved out for good (3 days after Christmas) I took off my wedding band. I could no longer pretend that we were married, even though the divorce hadn’t even been filed yet.