I want to share with you a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. My hope is to spare you from making the same mistake I did. Please hear this and spare yourself the heartache. One of the things I "heard" in Divorce Recovery was to avoid getting into another relationship too quickly and to avoid getting into a relationship with someone else who is going through or has recently gone through a divorce/break up.
Going through Divorce Recovery I realized how important it was for me to work through the process, and the value and growth that came from it. Since then I have been a big advocate for people to find a divorce recovery group, a support group, and/or therapy to help them become a healthy person.
Recently I wrote about being in a relationship with a controller, manipulator/narcissist. You see when I met this man, he was separated and headed for divorce, but not officially in the process. He put himself out on a Christian Internet Dating site. Even though the warning bells went off, we really connected, I thought I could help him. You see we spoke on the phone and emailed for awhile before we met.
He seemed so honest, wanting to do his work, going to therapy, claimed to be a "Christian," talked the talk, was close friends with his pastor and wife, active in his church. He was coming out of a 23 year marriage (his second marriage.) I have to admit I struggled with myself, Shelley, you know this guy has a lot of work to do. I thought he was dedicated to doing "his work."
I am sure we all know the more time you invest in a relationship the harder it is to walk away. Let me just say that 14 months later when the relationship ended, I was broken hearted. (Now I am Praising God for sparing me and my children from what could have been me/us.) The man went on to meet another woman and proceeded to try and marry her within 6 weeks of our break up. The church stepped in and convinced him to postpone the marriage. He agreed to wait only a couple of months. The marriage lasted less than a year. He caused incredible pain to her and her children. Hurting people hurt people.
People who do not do their work carry their baggage into their future relationships. Eventually it is going to surface. I could tell you story after story now of people I know or hear about that avoid doing their work, jump into another relationship, and it ends in divorce or another heart break. No matter how charming or convincing someone may be, unless they are committed to doing their work and until they have done their work, do not get into relationship with them! RUN!
If you want to learn more about this subject, please read my ezine article: Divorce How to Prevent a Repeat
Copy Right 2008 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved
