How much do you communicate with your ex-spouse? Often? Not much? More than you like? If you have children living at home or in college, chances are you need to communicate with your former spouse. If you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, then communication may not be an issue for you.
For many divorced couples, there can be tension and stress when they have to communicate with each other. Or possibly you can get along with the typical day to day activity, but when it comes to making changes in the schedule, or certain decisions about the children, finances, etc. then the communication becomes stressed.
Typically the younger the children the more the parents have to communicate. Older children can speak up and voice their opinions and communicate some basic information from one parent to another. This can reduce the frequency of parents need to communicate.
If you and your former spouse have a hard time communicating with each other, regardless of the age of the children, do not put the burden of communicating non-basic information on them. Thanks to technology today, you can use email, voice mail or texting to communicate with your ex-spouse without having to speak with them directly. Children should not have to communicate the parenting schedules, or one parent’s perspective on a parental decision to the other parent.
Realize that initially when your divorce is fresh, emotions can be running high, communication may be more stressful or tense. As time goes by and you transition into your roles as single parents, communication may become easier. Do not be surprised if you experience periods where communication seems to be fine, followed by bumps in the road.
As parenting decisions arise, you may discover that you and your former spouse do not agree on how to handle various situations. If necessary get a third party involved to help you reach an agreement on how to handle a situation. Be sure to keep the kid’s best interest in mind. Decisions should not be based on revenge, anger, or your need to “win” over the other parent.
When you have to communicate with your former spouse, here are a few tips to consider:
- Avoid addressing issues when you are angry or upset with your former spouse. Allow yourself time to cool down and then respond.
- Disregard any negative or belittling comments made by the other spouse and stick to the facts or issue at hand.
- If a response is required, respond in a timely fashion.
- If needed, discuss the issue with a trusted friend or knowledgeable person to gain insight, another opinion or different perspective prior to responding. Sometimes talking through an issue with someone else will help you process the issue, gain better understanding, come up with different or more options.
- Try to be diplomatic in your response or presentation of an issue.
- Despite how your former spouse may be treating you, treat them the way you would like to be treated.
- When you respond in retaliation or revenge, you stoop to their level and give them more information to use against you.
For more information on communicating with your ex, you can read my ezine article; Divorce: Tips for Communicating with Your Ex-Spouse When the Relationship is Stressed.
I hope this information will be helpful to you as you learn to communicate with your former spouse in a new way.
Copyright 2011 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.
