As a child of divorce myself, I think I am particularly sensitive to the comments made about "children of divorce." Whenever you attend presentations on parenting or raising kids, the issue of children of divorce always comes up. Last weekend with Walt Mueller was no exception.
For those of you that may not have read the previous post, Walt Mueller is a Youth Culture expert. My church brought him in to speak to our community. As a member of the Student and Family Ministry Committee, I attended several events with him over the weekend.
Saturday evening I was riding with a good friend of mine and her husband to a dinner for Walt. My friend asked me, "Did that bother you when Walt talked about children of divorce?" And I found that it did not take me long to admit "Yes, it does."
It seems like such a negative label, "Children of Divorce" (not one you really want for your kids.) When I hear "children of divorce" I tend to switch into "defensive" mode. Have you noticed when kids have issues or exhibit bad behavior, the excuse is often made, "Oh! his/her parents are divorced!" Almost as if children of divorce are expected to have problems or misbehave.
I admit I have been guilty of witnessing a child with bad behavior and thought, "His/her parents are divorced, that must be why they act like…" How about you? Have you been guilty of the same thoughts? Now as a single parent do you wonder if people expect your children to have "issues" because their parent's are divorced?
Also, as a single parent there have been times I have received compliments about my children (yeah! we all like to receive positive feed back about our children – helps us feel like we may be doing something right!) Yet, these compliments have been made with a sense of Surprise! Wow! For being "children of divorce" your kids seem to be fairly good. Hmmmm! Was that a compliment or not?
Do you think there is a negative association with the label "child(ren) of divorce?" Have you yourself thought that children of divorce have behavioral issues? Maybe you are recently divorced and fear that people will now have that expectation or impression of your child(ren)? How does that make you feel? Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Please feel free to comment below.
Copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser All rights reserved.
