Are you struggling with the holiday season this year? Do memories of the past trigger sadness for the present? The holidays can be especially difficult for the first year of being single. It is okay to recall past memories of happy holiday seasons. Be thankful for those memories.

When we think of holidays, we think of parties and gatherings of family and friends. You probably have received an invitation or two to such an event. If this is your first year as a single person, you will need to decide what feels right for you. You may have friends that try to tell you what they “think” you need. If you don’t want to go to a certain gathering, you prefer to stay home, then stay home.

If your life has been really busy, having some time to do what you want to do may be a welcomed opportunity. I know that for myself having children, the time they were with their father often gave me a chance to get last minute details finished, or to finally relax when the celebrations were over.

Tips for Getting Through the Holidays:

1. Do what feels right for you. If family or friends try to pressure you into doing what they think you should do, let them know you appreciate their concern, but let them know what you want to do. Everyone is different. For some people they may want to be alone and for others they may need to be around other people. You decide what is best for you.
2. Pamper yourself. Give yourself permission to do something you enjoy. This could be relaxing reading a book, watching a movie, having a friend over, working on a hobby you enjoy, ordering take out from a favorite restaurant, or preparing a special meal/dish.
3. Focus on the reason for the season. Instead of focusing on your circumstances, be intentional about focusing on Christmas, Jesus birth and the reason we celebrate. Read the Christmas story in the Bible, or a book about Christmas, or watch a movie about the meaning of Christmas, try to learn something new.
4. Make a Gratitude list. Write a list of all the things you have to be thankful for in 2009.
5. Make a list of things you would like to do in the coming year. You could brainstorm on how you might make them happen. Is there a friend or family member you would like to do something with? Could you begin researching details or information about a trip or hobby you would like to begin?
6. Avoid beating yourself up. If you decide not to do something you have traditionally done for years, give yourself permission not to do it this year, to take a break or to start a new tradition. It is okay to give yourself a break or to change traditions.
7. God is with you. It is not unusual to feel lonely during the holidays. If you find yourself feeling lonely, remember you are not alone. Seek God and His presence. How does that look for you? Is it reading your Bible, listening to teaching tapes, sermons, worship music, talking to a mentor, or fellow believer?
8. Avoid dwelling on circumstances and events for which you have no control. If you find yourself having a pity party, then redirect your thoughts and focus on someone else. Get your mind off of yourself. There are several things you can do;

• Ask yourself if there is someone you could bless by doing something for them? giving them something? buying them something? Then do it.
• Is there somewhere you could volunteer or help others and make a difference?
• Journal or write out prayers for other people. Is there someone who could use encouragement from a phone call or a card in the mail? A small gift of appreciation or thoughtfulness from you?

You will get through the holidays. The media would like us all to believe that this is a joyous, happy, wonderful time of the year. Everyone is with family and friends having fun, celebrating with delicious food and receiving an abundance of gifts. Even though we know this is not reality, we can easily fall into the trap of believing everyone else is having a glorious holiday except for us. Please know that the first year of being single is usually the most difficult. It will get better. Do the best you can to get through it.

May God bless you with His peace, healing and comfort this holiday season.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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