I was browsing through my book “Growing Through Divorce”  by Jim Smoke today and thought I would share a list he created, titled “The Ten Commandments for Formerly Married People.”  Jim Smoke was a pioneer in the divorce recovery field in the 1970’s. Based upon his wealth of experience helping people transition from married to single, Jim compiled a list of behavior, attitudes and/or actions people should follow when going through a divorce. It has been 15 years since this book was published, and the information in this book and list of commandments are still relevant and wise advice for anyone going through divorce today.  

 The Ten Commandments for Formerly Marrieds

  1. Thou shalt not live in thy past.
  2. Thou shalt be responsible for thy present and not blame thy past for it.
  3. Thou shalt not feel sorry for thyself indefinitely.
  4. Thou shalt assume thy end of the blame for thy marriage dissolvement.
  5. Thou shalt not try to reconcile thy past and reconstruct thy future by a quick, new marriage.
  6. Thou shalt not make thy children the victims of thy past marriage.
  7. Thou shalt not spend all thy time trying to convince thy children how terrible and evil their departed parent is.
  8. Thou shalt learn all thou can about being a one parent family and get on with it.
  9. Thou shalt ask others for help when thou needest it.
  10. Thou shalt ask God for the wisdom to bury yesterday, create today, and plan for tomorrow.

“Growing Through Divorce” was originally released in 1995. Reading Jim’s book today, his wisdom and advice are written like a Life Coach, before Life Coaching was really practiced and recognized. Jim takes the perspective that each person faced with divorce has a choice of growing through divorce or simply going through divorce. He provides practical guidance as he acknowledges the depth of pain, encourages people to be accountable, to learn from this experience, and take responsibility for their future. 

If you are someone who wants to learn and grow from your divorce, if you are willing to be accountable and responsible for your future, then you would greatly benefit from reading this book. If Jim Smoke’s approach appeals to you and you would like to learn more about how coaching can help you through divorce, then please feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Copyright 2010 ~ Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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