I am excited to have had the privilege to be a guest on Tommy Lanham’s Blog Talk Radio Show  recently. Tommy Lanham is America’s Expert Enthusiator adding life to your life one life at a time. Answering your questions about life and faith to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

On the show we talked about how Divorce Coaching can help you through the divorce process and through recovery. I shared some of the common pitfalls of divorce and how you can avoid them. I also gave some tips on how you can reduce your stress level during the divorce process and save your emotional energy. If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, you can listen to the replay of the show by clicking on the highlighted link.

As you may have noticed, I have not been very active on my blog lately for a couple of reasons. One of my best friends was a victim of a tragic event earlier this summer. I have been spending time trying to support and help her through this difficult time. It has been amazing to watch God’s faithfulness and work through this tragic event.

The other reason for my absence, I have been working on developing a workshop to help men and women prepare and get through the divorce process. The workshop is called, “The Divorce Support Workshop: Navigating the Process with Fortitude and Grace.”  To find out more information and details about the workshop, click on the title of the workshop.

If you are not familiar with Blog Talk Radio, click on the highlighted link and you can listen to the show over the internet. It is a 60 minute show, Tommy Lanham’s Blog Talk Radio Show . I hope you will come listen. Tommy is full of energy, inspiring and motivating.

Copyright 2010 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are a parent with children still living at home, about to separate or divorce, you will need to inform significant people in your children’s lives. Once you have told the children about your plans to separate/divorce, your children will begin trying to process this information. This news will create stress and confusion as they try to contemplate what this means to them personally, their family and their future.

As your children try to sort through and understand what this means to them, they are likely to speak with someone outside the family unit. Think about the significant adults in your children’s lives. What adults do they see on a regular basis? Who might they be comfortable opening up to about their feelings or situation? Who spends time with your child that may need to be aware of the change in family status? Who might recognize a change in behavior, attitude, performance, or personality that can let you know what they observe?

It is important to tell people who interact with your children on a regular basis, that you and your spouse are separating or getting divorced. If other adults are aware of your family situation, they may be able to comfort, offer support, advice, or encouragement to your child.

Be sure to let people know that you would appreciate them notifying you of any changes in behavior, demeanor, or apparent struggles your child may be experiencing. By letting others know of your concern, they will be more inclined to pay closer attention to your child and share their observations with you. Have you ever seen the shows on television where a person is in need of help and people walk on by because they do not want to get involved? People today may be reluctant to say anything and avoid getting involved.

Here is a perfect example. Today I heard of an elementary school music teacher who suspects a child in her class is suffering from depression. She is aware that the parents are going through a divorce, yet expressed her reluctance to say anything to the parents. When a good friend of mine heard the teacher make this comment, she encouraged her to speak with the parents. My friend shared with her that when she has experienced parents (of her children’s friends) going through a divorce, the parents have asked her to let them know if and when she observes any changes in their child’s behavior, or emotions that could be related to their divorce.

Going through a divorce can be overwhelming. There may be periods of time when you feel like you are operating on auto-pilot, merely surviving. It is good to have other people looking out for your children who may notice signs that your children are struggling or could use help coping with their circumstances. If you would like to read more information on this subject, you can read my recent Ezine article: “Beginning Divorce: Who Parents Need to Tell About Their Divorce.”

Today there is much more information and support available to help children through divorce than in years past. Helping your children process divorcess will not only benefit them now, but also in their future relationships. Realize that children may not express their struggles in front of their parents, because they do not want to add to your stress and pain.

Copyright 2010. Shelley Grieser. All Rights Reserved.

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If you are a parent going through a separation or divorce, please take the time to educate and prepare yourself on how to tell your children. Divorce will affect your children. How you tell them about your divorce, what you tell them, your relationship with the other parent, how you handle the divorce process and co-parenting, can make a huge difference. 

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Divorce is a devastating life changing event. Divorce is more than an “event” it is a process. As in any process there are different stages. The first stage is really when one (or both) partner(s) begin to entertain the idea that they no longer want to be married to the other person. Often times the person who initiates the divorce, has mentally and emotionally left the marriage relationship before mentioning any problem or unhappiness to the other spouse. The initiating spouse can begin a negative downward spiral and be done with the marriage before there is ever an opportunity to seek help and save the marriage.

When the non-initiating spouse finds out their partner wants a divorce, their first stage is generally “shock.” How can this be happening to me, to us? If there is any chance to save your marriage and work through differences, by all means seek professional help and do whatever you can to save your marriage.

If your spouse has informed you that he/she no longer wants to be married, despite your prayers and efforts to save your marriage, I am truly sorry. I know how horrifying this can be. At a time when you are overwhelmed with emotion and disbelief, traveling unfamiliar ground, it can be difficult to know what to do.

Here are 7 Practical Tips for What to do When Beginning the Divorce Process:

1. Pray. Submit your marriage relationship to God. Ask Him for emotional support, comfort, guidance, strength and wisdom. Ask God to bring the right people and resources into your life/path.
2. Ask family, friends, your church for their prayers and support. Submit prayer requests on line to various ministries or prayer chains. Requests can be made respecting your privacy. Now is a time to be covered in prayer.
3. Find someone you can trust, with whom you can share your feelings and process your thoughts and emotions. Talking through your feelings, putting your thoughts and emotions into words, can be very therapeutic and revealing for you. A trusted person can offer a different perspective and/or encouragement.
4. Remember that God is in control, so do not panic. You will get through this time.
5. Contact an attorney in your area to find out what you need to do. You can do some research on the internet to educate yourself on what you might expect. Preparing yourself with questions and concerns will help you to make the most of your time when you meet with an attorney. Attorney fees are not cheap, so take the time to prepare yourself prior to meeting with an attorney.
6. Look for a divorce support group in your area. Divorce recovery groups provide; emotional support, help you to learn and grow from divorce, a safe place to express your feelings, the oppotunity to meet and connect with others in the same situation.  Attending a divorce support group can also provide connections and networking for finding various professionals or services you may need throughout your divorce process.
7. Despite what you are feeling know that; You will survive. You will get through the process. You can do whatever you need to do. God is with you and He will see you through your divorce. Lean on HIm. Trust Him.

I know how scarey the beginning of the divorce process can be, especially if you are in a new location, and/or you do not know anyone else going through a divorce. It can seem like you are the only one in this situation. The sad truth is that you are not alone. The roller coaster of emotions, the uncontrollable tears are not unique. There are others currently going through the same devastation as you.

Each day will get better. It takes time. As time goes by, you will gain more strength. Before long the good days will out number the bad. The time will come when you will laugh, love and smile again. Let God be your strength, comfort and hope.

Romans 15:13; May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Copyright 2010. Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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As we begin the new year, has anyone asked you about your new year’s resolution? I was speaking to one of my son’s friends the other day and he was telling me about his new year’s resolution. He told me his resolution was to live a more Christ-centered life. I told him I thought that was great and asked him how he planned to achieve his resolution? He replied, I am not sure. I have not really thought about it.

Then he asked me what my new years resolution was? I told him I do not make “new year’s resoultions,” instead I prefer to look at the year ahead and what I want to accomplish, set goals and create a plan for achieving them. This 14 year old boy’s  reply was, “oh”!

Yesterday on the radio I was listening to K-Love and rather than talking about new year’s resolutions the question they were asking people was, “How will your life be different this year?” I thought what a great question. To me, that question prompts ownership and accountability for how your life will be this year.

If you are someone going through a divorce or recently finalized your divorce, you already know your life will be “different.” Change which implies “different” can make you anxious or filled with fear, possibly dread because of the unknown that lies ahead.  Whether divorce was forced upon you, or you feel set free from an abusive relationship, the transitioning to single life from married life will make your life “different.” Change is inevitable.

The fact is your life will soon be different, but ”how” your life will be different is largely up to you. If you are familiar with Stephen Covey and the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” you know that the 2nd habit is “Begin with the End in Mind.” If we begin with the end in mind, let’s fast forward to Januray 2011. Next year when you look back at 2010 what will you say about 2010? Will you have accomplished anything? Will your life have improved in any way? Did you learn anything, and if so, what? Did it change your life in any way? for the better or the worse? Did you make good choices? Do you have any regrets? Are you at peace with where you are? Are you blaming someone else for how your year transpired or accepting responsibility for the outcome?

If this is a year of transition to single life for you, how do you picture your life a year from now? You may be facing a lot of unknowns this year, but you do not have to fear the year ahead. Remember you are not alone. God is with you. If you will seek Him and continue to lean on Him for strength, wisdom, courage, guidance, healing and comfort, He promises to be with you and see you through your trials and difficulties.

Spending time with God daily in His Word will help you get through the days and months ahead. If you are not sure where to begin, go to your local Christian bookstore, or visit one of the many on-line Christian bookstores or amazon.com and get a  daily devotional. There are also several good books that lead you through reading the Bible in a year. Whatever method is most appealing to you, this would be the perfect time to develop a habit of spending time with God (if this is not already a habit.)

Spending time with God can give you the strength, comfort, encouragement, wisdom and the hope you need for the year ahead. He is available 24/7. No appointment necessary. Your life may be different by developing a more initimate relationship with God.

As the realization of the new year sets in, stop and consider yourself looking back in January 2011. Will you be able to say I did the best that I could given my circumstances? I have no regrets. I accepted responsibility for what I could control and made good decisions for myself and my family. I sought God and His will for my life. I am at peace. I am trusting and believing God for the good things He has in store for me and my family. I am a victor and not a victim. It is my hope that this will be your reflection in 2011. 

If the year ahead seems daunting and overwhelming as you prepare, or finish, the divorce process, if you feel the need for support, creating a strategy to survive the process, working through your life changes, or developing a plan for the future, then please feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session. Having someone who has been through a divorce, understands the challenges, the pain and how to overcome them can help reduce your stress. Having a trained coach to encourage you, ask powerful questions, help you discover what you really want and hold you accountable for taking action, can establish the foundation you need for rebuilding your life.

May God Bless You and Your Family in 2010.

Copyright 2010. Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Recently I have discovered a site called CaringBridge. CaringBridge is a free, nonprofit web service that connects family and friends to share information, love and support during a serious health event, care and recovery. Possibly you have heard of this site before?

In the past week I know two people who have had profiles created on this site. If you know someone battling cancer or another serious health issue, you may want to suggest a family member or friend set up a profile for them to keep others informed. CaringBridge has a place for the person, family member, or friend to journal updates or thoughts on their event. There is also a “guest book” for people to write messages to the person and family of the person profiled.

As you can imagine when a tragic accident happens, which was the case for one of the families in our community while traveling home from vacation, people are concerned. The other friend on this site was recently diagnosed with a form of brain cancer, and suddenly taken by surprise. When such tragedies occur, the family is preoccupied with handling the situation and caring for those affected. Naturally people want to help those in need and pray for the specific needs.

Utilizing the CaringBridge site allows people to become informed, follow the progress, hear from the family or individual, and/or view pictures if posted. The site allows the family and individual to receive uplifting messages of prayer, care, concern and support.

As I receive updates and read the postings in the “guest book” section of each of these sites, I am overwhelmed  by the outpouring of messages, prayers, and well wishes for each of these families. It makes me so grateful for technology, the Internet and the ability to connect people from all over the world in an instant. What a blessing to these families to hear from people all over the country, to connect and share their struggles, their needs, their progress and successes with people who may not otherwise even know what happened. To receive continual messages of support, concern and encouragement from family and friends has been amazing. I suspect beyond their wildest expectations.

Being introduced to this incredible service called CaringBridge, makes me think of all the other life events where people could desperately use words of encouragement, support, and prayers. Life events such as death and divorce.

As I continue to walk alongside my good friend going through the divorce process right now, I think of how much she could benefit from the support, encouragement and prayers from her family and friends. If you have been through the divorce process, you know how many hurdles there are to clear before it is final. Almost daily, some days hourly, you could desperately use words of encouragement, wisdom, care and support.

I often hear people comment when they know someone going through divorce, how bad they feel for the individual(s) and wonder what they might do to help. I think of what strength, comfort and courage people could gain from receiving messages from family and friends, on a site like CaringBridge. So here’s an idea, if you are a web developer who would love to help hurting people, might you consider starting a web site like CaringBridge for people going through divorce? Just thought I would throw this out there.

As someone who has gone through divorce, living away from family and close friends (at the time), what a blessing that would have been to receive messages, words of encouragement, love and support, available to read 24/7.

Reading the guest book messages on CaringBridge for my friends, I have noticed how the messages posted are not only inspirational and encouraging to the individual (profiled) but to the community of people reading and posting as well. Witnessing people coming together, sharing their faith, their love and concern for others can be contagious and heart warming.

If you know someone currently going through a divorce, a health issue, or difficult time, why not take a minute and send them an email, a message on Facebook, or call them. Let them know you are thinking of them, praying for them, or offer some words of encouragement. Getting your mind off of yourself and being a blessing to someone else will make you feel better, too.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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