If you are a single parent with young children, it can be difficult to send your children off on vacation with your ex-spouse. I remember how difficult it was the first time my children left for vacation with their dad. My children were particularly young at 3 and 5 years.

If you are like me, your dream of having a family probably included the idea of taking family vacations. I looked forward to the day we could experience new places, take road trips and fly with our children. I wanted to be there with my children as they encountered new places and experienced activities for the first time.

I understand how heart breaking it can be to feel deprived of getting to experience all the excitement and adventure of family vacations with your children. This is an aspect of divorce that can be difficult to accept.

As a child I never had the opportunity to go to Disneyland or Disney World. I experienced Disney World as a young adult when one of my friends moved to Tampa, Florida. One of my dreams was to one day, as a family, take my children to Disney World.

I can still recall the pain I felt when my ex-husband decided to take our children to Disney World. The kids were a little older maybe 4 and 6 years old. In my eyes, he was about to crush yet another one of my dreams. He was taking our children to Disney World.

My ex husband was about to experience our children’s initial reactions, witness their surprise, and share their joy of being surrounded by life size Disney characters. For me, taking my children to Disney World for the second time would just not be the same. The much awaited anticipation, the high expectations, the element of surprise and wonder would be gone.

Letting go of dreams can be a painful process. What can make it even more challenging is when we have to cover it up for the sake of others. If you are in the process of divorce or recently divorced you may be tired of letting go of your dreams. It can be exhausting covering up how you really “feel” in front of your children, I know. I have struggled with this myself.

As hard as it may be, for the sake of your children, I encourage you to be supportive of vacation plans, and time spent with the other parent. In the best interest of your children, avoid letting them know how sad, hurt, jealous, and/or angry you may feel about a vacation they are preparing to take with the other spouse.

Respect the fact that this is a time for them to vacation with the other parent. Realize, the children may feel as awkward going without you, as you may feel not going. Turn the tables and think about how you will want your ex-spouse to support you when you take the children on vacation. Sort of that “do unto others as you would want them to do unto you” rule.

Children naturally would prefer to go on vacation as a family, especially when they are young. I remember my children telling me how they wished I would have been on the trip to Orlando with them and their dad.

If you are recently divorced, young children may still be trying to figure out their new family dynamics. In their mind, they may perceive your not going as you do not want to go. Your children want and desire your approval and support. If they sense your disapproval or resentment of them going on vacation with the other parent, you may spoil and/or impact their vacation experience.

Also, young children can have issues of separation from one or both parents. The thought of leaving a parent behind for a week or several days can be stressful to them. In situations such as this, the child(ren) need reassurance and encouragement from you that both of you will be okay.

If you have any comments or stories you would like to share related to this topic, please free to leave them in the comment section below. Thank You!

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are a single mom with children at home, what are you doing to help your children celebrate Father’s Day? If you are not on good terms with your ex husband, or maybe you just don’t like him right now, you need to put your feelings aside. Your ex-husband is still the father of your children. He deserves to be remembered on Father’s Day.

If your former-in-laws live near you and you can ask them to help your children honor their father on Father’s Day, then great. For many of us that is not an option.

If your ex-husband did not help the children do anything for you on Mother’s Day, you might be thinking well I am not going to do anything for him on Father’s Day. I know this can be difficult, but I would encourage you take the high road. Think of the children and what you are teaching them.

If you have small children they will certainly need your help and direction. Why not give them the materials they need to make something for their father? Is there a craft they like to do? Can they draw a picture of what they like to do with their dad? Do you have a cute photograph of the child(ren) that you could frame to give him?

Another idea that also works with older children, is give them a dollar amount and take them to the mall or a store and let them pick something out. Having the child make a Father’s Day card to go along with the gift can also be more personal and meaningful. Let the child wrap the gift, too.

For older children you may need to remind them to do something for Father’s Day. If they need your help with gift ideas, be willing to give them suggestions. If money is tight, suggest the older child create a coupon telling their dad that they will do some specific chore for him, or project. Maybe the child(ren) plan and prepare dinner, and/or plan a day or evening of doing something that their dad likes to do for fun. When kids get older and spend less time with their parents, spending quality time with the parent could be a real gift itself.

If doing something for Father’s Day is difficult for you, I encourage you to push past your feelings and help your children celebrate their father on Father’s Day. He is their father. As much as you may not feel like celebrating him, he deserves to be remembered. I hope you will do the right thing and go help your children.

This post is written from the perspective of generally speaking. I understand that there are situations where a father may have been abusive, or a father child relationship may not be healthy.

However, I am familiar with cases where divorced parents do not have an amicable relationship. In these situations I have known parents who do not want to do anything for the other parent, and yet there may not be anyone else to help the children. This post is meant to encourage adults to think of their children, putting their personal feelings aside.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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