I am excited to have had the privilege to be a guest on Tommy Lanham’s Blog Talk Radio Show  recently. Tommy Lanham is America’s Expert Enthusiator adding life to your life one life at a time. Answering your questions about life and faith to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

On the show we talked about how Divorce Coaching can help you through the divorce process and through recovery. I shared some of the common pitfalls of divorce and how you can avoid them. I also gave some tips on how you can reduce your stress level during the divorce process and save your emotional energy. If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, you can listen to the replay of the show by clicking on the highlighted link.

As you may have noticed, I have not been very active on my blog lately for a couple of reasons. One of my best friends was a victim of a tragic event earlier this summer. I have been spending time trying to support and help her through this difficult time. It has been amazing to watch God’s faithfulness and work through this tragic event.

The other reason for my absence, I have been working on developing a workshop to help men and women prepare and get through the divorce process. The workshop is called, “The Divorce Support Workshop: Navigating the Process with Fortitude and Grace.”  To find out more information and details about the workshop, click on the title of the workshop.

If you are not familiar with Blog Talk Radio, click on the highlighted link and you can listen to the show over the internet. It is a 60 minute show, Tommy Lanham’s Blog Talk Radio Show . I hope you will come listen. Tommy is full of energy, inspiring and motivating.

Copyright 2010 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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My previous post about being single again and Valentines Day focused on what you might do for others. This post will focus on you. It is so important to remember to take care of yourself. It is quite common for people who are divorced or in the process of divorce to feel rejected, unloved, lonely and/or depressed. Throw in all of the hype for Valentines Day and you may have more than enough triggers to accelerate these feelings.

This Valentines Day LOVE yourself! Now please do not get me wrong here. I do not mean love yourself in a selfish, self centered, self absorbed sort of way. I am suggesting that you take care of yourself. Do something loving for yourself.

If you have children at home who depend on you, it is even more important to take care of yourself. I am sure you have heard this before, if you do not take care of yourself then it is more difficult to take care of others. This is so true. Taking care of yourself physically, making a point to exercise and eating healthy can help you emotionally when you are struggling. Often times we can get busy taking care of others, attending to work, daily details and neglect ourselves.

Give yourself permission to do something good for you, for Valentines Day! Think about what energizes you, what would lift your spirits, what is something special you do not normally do for yourself that would be a special treat? I have listed some ideas below to get your creative mind flowing.  

• Massage
• Dinner or lunch at one of your favorite restaurants
• Carry out dinner from one of your favorite restaurants
• Flowers, chocolate,
• Go to see a movie you have been wanting to see with a friend. Funny movies can be healing!
• Schedule time to do one of your favorite hobbies; if one of your hobbies involves exercise like hiking, biking, walking, running, skiing, all the better!
• Shopping – maybe you have a gift card you have not used. Now might be a great time to use it.
• Treat yourself to something that fits within your budget whether it is a new book, music, manicure, pedicure, television, shoes, something for one of your hobbies.

Consider doing something special for yourself. Maybe you have not taken the time to do anything for you for awhile, or possibly there is something that would normally make you feel guilty spending the money on yourself? It is okay to do something special for yourself. Be realistic and reasonable. Keep it within your budget. 

This Valentines Day take care of yourself in a healthy way!

May your day be blessed with something that brings you joy!

Feel free to share your thoughts or ideas in the comment section below, on what you intend to do to take care of you on Valentines Day!

Copyright 2010 Shelley Grieser  All Rights Reserved.

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If thIs is your first “Valentine’s Day” as a single person in a while, getting through the holiday can be challenging. It is difficult not to be bombarded with messages and images of couples in love everywhere you go. I wonder when (if ever) did you have a perfectly romantic Valentines Day experience like the ones portrayed in the media? May be it is just me?

How many people do you think are disappointed each year when their love interest does not meet their expectations? How many people do you think give or do something out of obligation or expectation, rather than the motive of expressing their true love for another person on Valentines Day? Valentines Day marketing can lead people to believe if they are not in a relationship, they are in the minority, they might even be unlovable.

When people go through divorce it is not unusual for them to feel unlovable, especially around Valentine’s Day. I am here to tell you that “YOU are Lovable!” If your marriage has ended in divorce, that does not make you “unlovable.” I encourage you  to have a true perspective this Valentines Day. If Valentines Day is all about “love” is love limited to romantic relationships?

The true perspective is “You are lovable!” The truth is love gives life meaning and purpose. The world is looking for love, but what they are really looking for is God. God is love. 

The world would have us believe that we will find fulfillment in life through romantic relationships, money, material things, status, our appearance. Yet people who achieve these things are often left empty, lonely, unhappy, unfulfilled and disappointed.

It is actually when we walk in love, that we will find true fulfillment in life. When we walk in love we put love into action. We get the focus off of ourselves and reach out to others. It is not self seeking. Self seeking means you do something for others seeking something in return.

Jesus commanded us to love one another as He has loved us. (John 13:34). I am not suggesting that you send your ex-spouse or soon-to-be-ex-spouse a Valentine. I would suggest that you take this Valentines Day and reach out to someone you love. This could be your children, your parents, siblings, friends, or neighbor. Is there someone who has blessed you lately, who has helped you through your divorce that you might want to bless? Even though you may not be in the mood to celebrate Valentines Day this year, why not take the time to show some appreciation or love to other people this Valentines Day?

Blessing others can be therapeutic. When we bless others (show them love) we often feel blessed in the process. Focus on who you love and appreciate this Valentines Day, and make your mind up to bless at least one other person.

God loves you everyday, all day. There is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you. Receive the love He has for you and go share it with somebody else. You are God’s Valentine today and every day.

Have a Happy Valentines Day!

Copyright 2010 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved

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We cannot always control our circumstances, nor can we control other people. The only thing we can control is how we respond to our circumstances and the choices we make. It can be really frustrating when our circumstances take a downward turn and no matter what we do, despite our best efforts and prayers, we can not change them.

If you are in the process of divorce, you may relate to the frustration of feeling like you have no control. Possibly your spouse gave up on your marriage and/or found someone else. You may feel as if your life has been turned upside down and there is nothing you can do about it. Being forced to go through a divorce you never wanted can be devastating, unfair, crushing.

The truth and reality becomes, we are getting divorced. We may not like it. We may not want it, but it is reality. Now what? How does one persevere through the valley? In my last post I told you I would share how I found encouragement to persevere through the valley.

Below I have listed the 4 main sources that encouraged and motivated me to persevere through the valley.

Faith. If you are a Christian believer, your faith is the best source of encouragement. Seeking God, His Word, wisdom, guidance and promises can give you the strength, hope and encouragement to persevere.

For me, I “thought” I was a Christian, before my marriage problems. It was not until I was faced with problems in my marriage that I became a true “believer” and developed a relationship with God.

Counseling/Therapy. Meeting with a good therapist or counselor that can help you sort through the emotions, feelings, grieving process and gain understanding. For me it was important to work with a Christian to help me process all of this through a faith perspective.

Support. Who is your support system? Family? Friends? Be sure to do the best you can to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. At the same time, it is important to find support from people who share the same faith, beliefs and values, as you do.

Amazing how much advice you may receive that does not align with your values and beliefs. Going through my separation, becoming a “believer,” I learned a lot about people based on their advice and thoughts they shared with me. I really had to use discernment and process some of the advice with more mature Christians.

Be open to seeking out support. If you do not have any friends or family near you or who have gone through divorce, find people who are going through or have been through a divorce. People going through a divorce can feel like they are the only one. Not true.

For those of you who do not know my story, I had moved to Colorado away from all my family and friends. The friends I had made were all married. A year and a half after moving to Colorado, my marriage issues surfaced. Finding a divorce recovery group was one of the best things that helped me persevere through the journey. 

Children. When you have children living at home and you are about to become a single parent, may your children be a source of encouragement. For me, my children were very young. I knew I needed to get myself healthy, to overcome my divorce and try to become the best parent I could be. I came from a broken home. I never wanted my children to experience divorce. My children were a great source of motivation for me to recover.

I hope these sources give you ideas or inspiration to help you persevere through the valley. God never said that life would be easy. The Bible says we can expect trials and tribulations. It is in the “going through” that we become refined, learn and grow. It develops our “character.” If you feel like you already have enough “character” you are not alone. I remember thinking; “How much character do I need?” God knew.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, or would like to share a source of encouragement to persevere, feel free to leave a comment below. You never know when your comment may help someone else. Blessings to you as you persevere through the valley.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are in the process of divorce, or if your divorce is final, what did you discover about your “friends” through this process? Did some people distance themselves while others drew closer to you? Were you able to determine who was truly your friend?

Divorce can make people uncomfortable. When people are uncomfortable and do not know how to handle a situation, they may avoid it all together. I often hear people say they would like to help someone going through a divorce, but do not know the best way to help. Sometimes when people distance themselves from us, it may be that they just don’t know what to do.

After divorce we no longer have a spouse, so our friends become even more important. We may rely on our friends to help us make decisions, to get another opinion, to bounce ideas off of them. If you do not have family near by, you may spend holidays with your friends and their families.

Since my children were 2 years and 4 years old when their dad moved out, I am thankful for the role my good friends and their families have played in my children’s lives. My children have been able to witness positive role models of good marriages, Christian families and intact families from our close friends.

If you have children at home, your children are watching you and the choices you make. The people we choose for friends will impact not only our lives but also our children’s lives. They will learn a lot about relationships, friendships and dating by what you model for them.

Choose your friends wisely. If you attend a Divorce Recovery group and make new friends, seek out like minded individuals. Use discernment and caution. Try to discern if the person desires to get healthy and move forward, or if the person is bitter and focused on the past. Divorce Recovery groups can be a great place to vent and process your feelings with people who can relate to your pain. However, it can be emotionally draining and unhealthy to be around people who remain stuck in the past with a negative attitude.

If you would like to read more about friends and divorce, you can read my recent Ezine article; Divorce: Who are Your Friends?

If you have an experience or thoughts on friends and divorce that you would like to share, feel free to comment below.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Today I wanted to share with you a link to a blog post from Your Daily Blessing by Dr. Randy Peck on August 26th. The post is titled 4 Steps to Healing Your Broken Heart. During and after a divorce we are often in critical need of healing for our broken hearts.

Dr. Peck’s post is in reference to Renato Amato’s teleseminar titled “Simple Steps To Heal Your Broken Heart and Transform Your Life.” with Lynne Lee of the Christian Coaching Cafe. If you go to Randy’s blog post you can get access to the audio of the teleseminar and listen at your convenience.

Dr. Peck summarized Renato Amato’s “4 steps to heal your broken heart” as follows:

“1) STOP and make time. Make time to pay attention to what is going on in your
heart.

2) Go to the doctor, the soul doctor (Jesus). Use that time to seek the
counsel of God. Commune with the LORD in your heart. Pour out your heart to Him.
Learn to recognize His voice.

3) The LORD will help you understand the big picture, the “God Factor”
(Romans 8:28)

4) Roll away the stone – God is going to tell you what to do”

If you heart is hurting and you want to know what you can do to heal your heart, I encourage you to listen to Renato Amato’s teleseminar. Healing your broken heart takes faith, time and action. Are you ready to move forward in healing your broken heart?

I have had the privilege of doing a teleseminar with Lynne Lee (U.K.) and a webinar with Dr. Peck and participated in a few classes with Renato Amato (Italy). It has been my experience that all three of these individuals have a huge heart for God and a desire to help others. I encourage you to check out their blog sites by clicking on their highlighted names. I believe you will find encouragement, comfort and inspiration for your journey to recovery, as you browse their sites.

Blessings to you on your healing journey to recovery.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Recently I have discovered a site called CaringBridge. CaringBridge is a free, nonprofit web service that connects family and friends to share information, love and support during a serious health event, care and recovery. Possibly you have heard of this site before?

In the past week I know two people who have had profiles created on this site. If you know someone battling cancer or another serious health issue, you may want to suggest a family member or friend set up a profile for them to keep others informed. CaringBridge has a place for the person, family member, or friend to journal updates or thoughts on their event. There is also a “guest book” for people to write messages to the person and family of the person profiled.

As you can imagine when a tragic accident happens, which was the case for one of the families in our community while traveling home from vacation, people are concerned. The other friend on this site was recently diagnosed with a form of brain cancer, and suddenly taken by surprise. When such tragedies occur, the family is preoccupied with handling the situation and caring for those affected. Naturally people want to help those in need and pray for the specific needs.

Utilizing the CaringBridge site allows people to become informed, follow the progress, hear from the family or individual, and/or view pictures if posted. The site allows the family and individual to receive uplifting messages of prayer, care, concern and support.

As I receive updates and read the postings in the “guest book” section of each of these sites, I am overwhelmed  by the outpouring of messages, prayers, and well wishes for each of these families. It makes me so grateful for technology, the Internet and the ability to connect people from all over the world in an instant. What a blessing to these families to hear from people all over the country, to connect and share their struggles, their needs, their progress and successes with people who may not otherwise even know what happened. To receive continual messages of support, concern and encouragement from family and friends has been amazing. I suspect beyond their wildest expectations.

Being introduced to this incredible service called CaringBridge, makes me think of all the other life events where people could desperately use words of encouragement, support, and prayers. Life events such as death and divorce.

As I continue to walk alongside my good friend going through the divorce process right now, I think of how much she could benefit from the support, encouragement and prayers from her family and friends. If you have been through the divorce process, you know how many hurdles there are to clear before it is final. Almost daily, some days hourly, you could desperately use words of encouragement, wisdom, care and support.

I often hear people comment when they know someone going through divorce, how bad they feel for the individual(s) and wonder what they might do to help. I think of what strength, comfort and courage people could gain from receiving messages from family and friends, on a site like CaringBridge. So here’s an idea, if you are a web developer who would love to help hurting people, might you consider starting a web site like CaringBridge for people going through divorce? Just thought I would throw this out there.

As someone who has gone through divorce, living away from family and close friends (at the time), what a blessing that would have been to receive messages, words of encouragement, love and support, available to read 24/7.

Reading the guest book messages on CaringBridge for my friends, I have noticed how the messages posted are not only inspirational and encouraging to the individual (profiled) but to the community of people reading and posting as well. Witnessing people coming together, sharing their faith, their love and concern for others can be contagious and heart warming.

If you know someone currently going through a divorce, a health issue, or difficult time, why not take a minute and send them an email, a message on Facebook, or call them. Let them know you are thinking of them, praying for them, or offer some words of encouragement. Getting your mind off of yourself and being a blessing to someone else will make you feel better, too.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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