If you are a single mom with children at home, what are you doing to help your children celebrate Father’s Day? If you are not on good terms with your ex husband, or maybe you just don’t like him right now, you need to put your feelings aside. Your ex-husband is still the father of your children. He deserves to be remembered on Father’s Day.

If your former-in-laws live near you and you can ask them to help your children honor their father on Father’s Day, then great. For many of us that is not an option.

If your ex-husband did not help the children do anything for you on Mother’s Day, you might be thinking well I am not going to do anything for him on Father’s Day. I know this can be difficult, but I would encourage you take the high road. Think of the children and what you are teaching them.

If you have small children they will certainly need your help and direction. Why not give them the materials they need to make something for their father? Is there a craft they like to do? Can they draw a picture of what they like to do with their dad? Do you have a cute photograph of the child(ren) that you could frame to give him?

Another idea that also works with older children, is give them a dollar amount and take them to the mall or a store and let them pick something out. Having the child make a Father’s Day card to go along with the gift can also be more personal and meaningful. Let the child wrap the gift, too.

For older children you may need to remind them to do something for Father’s Day. If they need your help with gift ideas, be willing to give them suggestions. If money is tight, suggest the older child create a coupon telling their dad that they will do some specific chore for him, or project. Maybe the child(ren) plan and prepare dinner, and/or plan a day or evening of doing something that their dad likes to do for fun. When kids get older and spend less time with their parents, spending quality time with the parent could be a real gift itself.

If doing something for Father’s Day is difficult for you, I encourage you to push past your feelings and help your children celebrate their father on Father’s Day. He is their father. As much as you may not feel like celebrating him, he deserves to be remembered. I hope you will do the right thing and go help your children.

This post is written from the perspective of generally speaking. I understand that there are situations where a father may have been abusive, or a father child relationship may not be healthy.

However, I am familiar with cases where divorced parents do not have an amicable relationship. In these situations I have known parents who do not want to do anything for the other parent, and yet there may not be anyone else to help the children. This post is meant to encourage adults to think of their children, putting their personal feelings aside.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are recently divorced or going through a divorce, be sure to take time to enjoy your children this summer. Going through a divorce can be emotionally and physically draining, especially when there are children at home. No doubt, you have had less energy to offer your children.

Summertime has so much to offer in the way of festivals, outdoor concerts, sports, and activities. This can be a great time to get the kids involved with planning and researching (depending on ages) things to do.

Possibly you saw the movie last year called, “Bucket List” with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The characters they play meet while sharing a room in the hospital. They are both battling serious illnesses. The two men create a list of things they want to do before they die, or “kick the bucket”. The movie covers their quest to accomplish the items on their bucket list.

A bucket list is really like a list of goals you would like to accomplish. Why not create a Summer Bucket List of things you would like to do this summer with your kids?

In my recent Ezine article, Divorce Advice: Create a Summer Bucket List I have provided ideas and resources for creating a summer bucket list.

Below you will find four easy steps to help you get started with your list:

1. Have each child and yourself come up with 2-5 things you would like to do this summer. You may need to provide guidelines for what is realistic and reasonable.
2. Have each person rank their ideas from most important/desirable to least important/desirable.
3. Once everyone has prepared their list, create a master list. Similar ideas may be able to be combined.
4. Get out a calendar and write in the date(s) for the activities or events that have specific dates. For the other activities try and plan out possible dates with your calendar.

You may want to post the Summer Bucket List on your refrigerator or somewhere convenient, to remind you of the dates and ideas. By creating a Summer Bucket List with your children, everyone is involved and gets to contribute. When you have a list and a plan, you are more likely to follow through and make it happen. Also, the list of activities can give you and your children something to be excited about and look forward to doing together.

I know how easy it is to get caught up in the many things you have to do as a single parent. The list of all the things you need to do and should do can be endless. I still struggle with letting things wait and allowing myself to have fun with the kids.

Another reason to do a Summer Bucket List, after  going through a divorce people can have a tendency to avoid getting out. Having a list of things to do will help you be more intentional about getting out.

Be sure to give yourself permission to enjoy your children and spend time with them this summer. Time together can be healing and rewarding for all of you. As always, feel free to leave any comments or ideas below. Love to hear from you.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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