Yesterday I was talking with a good friend of mine, we will call her Angela. Angela was telling me about a couple of people from our church that are getting divorced. My heart still gets heavy every time I hear of yet another family getting ready to experience divorce. One family has 4 children and they are fairly close to Angela and her family. This particular family getting ready to divorce just told their kids on Sunday that they would be splitting up.

Angela knew that she had to tell her 3 children. Of course the children wanted to know why? To which she could not even begin to explain. It dawned on me, how her kids might perceive this break up. Here is a Christian family that appears to be happy and have it all together that announces they are getting divorced. What a shock and surprise this was for the children whose parents are separating and Angela’s children who have grown up with their kids. Both families have children ranging from elementary school to high school.

From Angela’s kids perspective, what must they think? If the parents of their long time friends are getting divorced, people they would never suspect, how are they to trust that their own parents might not get divorced? As our kids get older and they see more and more of their friend’s parents getting divorced, I wondered what that must do to their sense of security.

After our conversation, two thoughts came to my mind. One, there never is a really ”good” time to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce. If possible, try to avoid doing it around the holidays. When you break devastating news to your children, or a parent moves out around the holidays, you are creating a negative memory or association that will likely last a life time. My own parents separated after Thanksgiving when I was 10 years old. 

Secondly, if you have children, do your best to build a support system for your children. When you break the news to them of your plan to separate or divorce, be sure to let the parents of their friends know, let their teachers know (if the kids are younger), coaches etc. This is bound to be a very difficult time for your child(ren). If their friends, teachers, coaches, and relatives can be prepared to offer comfort and support, the better it will be for your kids. Hopefully the parents of your children’s friends can offer ideas to their children of how to be supportive and understanding. Do what you can to help your children in this sad and confusing time.

As always your thougts, ideas and comments are welcome.

Copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved

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