I was browsing through my book “Growing Through Divorce”  by Jim Smoke today and thought I would share a list he created, titled “The Ten Commandments for Formerly Married People.”  Jim Smoke was a pioneer in the divorce recovery field in the 1970’s. Based upon his wealth of experience helping people transition from married to single, Jim compiled a list of behavior, attitudes and/or actions people should follow when going through a divorce. It has been 15 years since this book was published, and the information in this book and list of commandments are still relevant and wise advice for anyone going through divorce today.  

 The Ten Commandments for Formerly Marrieds

1. Thou shalt not live in thy past.
2. Thou shalt be responsible for thy present and not blame thy past for it.
3. Thou shalt not feel sorry for thyself indefinitely.
4. Thou shalt assume thy end of the blame for thy marriage dissolvement.
5. Thou shalt not try to reconcile thy past and reconstruct thy future by a quick, new marriage.
6. Thou shalt not make thy children the victims of thy past marriage.
7. Thou shalt not spend all thy time trying to convince thy children how terrible and evil their departed parent is.
8. Thou shalt learn all thou can about being a one parent family and get on with it.
9. Thou shalt ask others for help when thou needest it.
10. Thou shalt ask God for the wisdom to bury yesterday, create today, and plan for tomorrow.

“Growing Through Divorce” was originally released in 1995. Reading Jim’s book today, his wisdom and advice are written like a Life Coach, before Life Coaching was really practiced and recognized. Jim takes the perspective that each person faced with divorce has a choice of growing through divorce or simply going through divorce. He provides practical guidance as he acknowledges the depth of pain, encourages people to be accountable, to learn from this experience, and take responsibility for their future. 

If you are someone who wants to learn and grow from your divorce, if you are willing to be accountable and responsible for your future, then you would greatly benefit from reading this book. If Jim Smoke’s approach appeals to you and you would like to learn more about how coaching can help you through divorce, then please feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Copyright 2010 ~ Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are a parent going through divorce or recently divorced, how did you explain the change in your family dynamics to your children? Do they understand what is happening to their family? Depending on the age of your children, the concept of divorce can be difficult to grasp.

Children may wonder if it is their fault their parents are divorcing? Why is their family changing? Does this change who I am? Younger children in particular who identify themselves mostly with their parents, family, friends and school may struggle with how divorce affects their identity.

When Lori Hilliard found herself going through a divorce she searched for resources to help her explain to her 5 year old son, Joshua, what was happening to their family and what it meant to him and his siblings. Lori states that she “found several wonderful books published on the subject of divorce, but they mostly featured make believe characters like talking teddy bears.”

Lori says she wanted a real child’s face for Joshua to see and identify with that would help him understand that other real children had been through a divorce and that it was not just a made up “character” story. Failure to find such a book led Lori to write the book, Sending Love…My “Different-Functional” Family . In her book, Lori uses actual photo’s of her children, herself and her ex-husband, to beautifully  illustrate her book and make it real. Her goal in writing Sending Love…My “Different-Functional” Family   is to help children understand that divorce is not their fault. Lori wants them to know just how much they are loved, despite the change in their family dynamics.

This book is written as a story by her 5 year old son, Joshua, explaining who he is and where he lives, his two homes, his family members and pets. At the end of the book there are pages for your child/children to tell their story. You will find a place for your children to put photos of themselves, mom, dad, their family, and things they like to do. At the very end of the book there is a place for each parent to write what they think about or love about the child or children, along with a signature line for both mom and dad to sign.

If you have children between the ages of 2 and 10, I would highly recommend you get Lori’s book. After I read Lori’s book written from a child’s perspective, using real life pictures, it made me wish she had written it 10 years ago. My children were 3 and 5 when their father chose the path of divorce. I think of how helpful this would have been to explain to our children what was happening to their family dynamics and what it meant to them.

THANK YOU, Lori, for taking the initiative to create such a valuable resource for children of divorce. Anyone who has been through, or is going through, a divorce knows what a devastating time it is in the life of a family. This book is an easy and incredible tool to use. It will help you reassure your children of just how much they are loved. Well done, Lori Hilliard!

If you would like to read an article about, Lori Hilliard, click here.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Today I wanted to share with you a link to a blog post from Your Daily Blessing by Dr. Randy Peck on August 26th. The post is titled 4 Steps to Healing Your Broken Heart. During and after a divorce we are often in critical need of healing for our broken hearts.

Dr. Peck’s post is in reference to Renato Amato’s teleseminar titled “Simple Steps To Heal Your Broken Heart and Transform Your Life.” with Lynne Lee of the Christian Coaching Cafe. If you go to Randy’s blog post you can get access to the audio of the teleseminar and listen at your convenience.

Dr. Peck summarized Renato Amato’s “4 steps to heal your broken heart” as follows:

“1) STOP and make time. Make time to pay attention to what is going on in your
heart.

2) Go to the doctor, the soul doctor (Jesus). Use that time to seek the
counsel of God. Commune with the LORD in your heart. Pour out your heart to Him.
Learn to recognize His voice.

3) The LORD will help you understand the big picture, the “God Factor”
(Romans 8:28)

4) Roll away the stone – God is going to tell you what to do”

If you heart is hurting and you want to know what you can do to heal your heart, I encourage you to listen to Renato Amato’s teleseminar. Healing your broken heart takes faith, time and action. Are you ready to move forward in healing your broken heart?

I have had the privilege of doing a teleseminar with Lynne Lee (U.K.) and a webinar with Dr. Peck and participated in a few classes with Renato Amato (Italy). It has been my experience that all three of these individuals have a huge heart for God and a desire to help others. I encourage you to check out their blog sites by clicking on their highlighted names. I believe you will find encouragement, comfort and inspiration for your journey to recovery, as you browse their sites.

Blessings to you on your healing journey to recovery.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Yesterday I shared how a friend of mine called me on Father’s Day to ask me to pray for her brother-in-law, Bob. Bob suffered a severe heart attack while walking on the beach Sunday morning and was not expected to live through Sunday night. Given the urgency of Bob’s condition I suggested to my friend that she submit prayer requests on the Internet, to cover Bob in prayer.

As I write this on Tuesday evening, Bob, is miraculously still alive. Yesterday the doctors had planned to take Bob into surgery today (providing he was stable enough) and give him an artificial heart. This would be temporary until he could receive a donor heart. Today, although still in critical condition, Bob’s prognosis has again miraculously improved. He was able to be taken off life support, and remains on oxygen, as he waits for a heart donor.

It’s no coincidence that I am currently reading Don Piper’s book, “A True Story of Death and Life, 90 Minutes in Heaven.”  This is a New York Times Best Seller that was released in 2004. Don Piper is an ordained minister whose car was crushed by a semi truck on his way home from a conference, on January 18, 1989. Medical personnel said he died instantly. His body laid lifeless in the wreckage of his car as they waited for the equipment to extract his body from the car.

Ninety minutes after the accident, while a minister was praying over his body, Don Piper miraculously returned to life on this earth. In this book, Don Piper shares his glimpses of heaven, the accident and his journey of recovery.

He states at the end of his book, “I also believe that part of the reason I am still alive, as I’ve already pointed out, is that people prayed. Dick Onerecker prayed me back to life–to live without brain damage. David Gentiles and others prayed so that God wouldn’t take me back to heaven just yet.”

If you read Don’s story it is a testimony to the power of prayer. I wonder if you have experienced or witnessed the power of prayer in your life, or someone else’s life? Prayer can be so powerful.

The Bible says; ^{Phillipians 4:6}Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (New International Version)

Although the circumstances I have mentioned were life threatening situations, the Bible tells us to bring everything to God in prayer. If you are on the path of recovery from divorce, you may be in need of prayer for yourself, your circumstances, your children, your former spouse, or all of the above.

If and when you find yourself or others in need of prayer, I have listed below several credible websites where you can submit prayer requests.

Joyce Meyer Ministries look under Everyday Answers section. In the past I received a personal email response to a prayer request. One time Joyce Meyer Ministries sent me a CD of one of Joyce’s teachings that was relevant to my prayer request.

Lakewood Church in Houston with Joel Osteen.

Living Proof Ministries with Beth Moore, Bible Teacher/Speaker. Look under the Interact tab.

KLOVE – National Christian Radio Station Go to the Ministry Tab and then click on Prayer.

Crosswalk – Christian Living Resources

CBN - Christian Broadcasting Network

Prayer For All People This site has an extensive list of sites where you can submit prayer requests. I just found this site while doing research to write this post. It appears to have credible sites listed.

I hope you will find these resources for prayer, helpful in your time of need. If you have a favorite ministry, church or Bible teacher, check out their website and see if they offer a place to submit prayer requests. Feel free to share any sites you have used to submit prayer requests, in the comment section below. If you have stories about how you have experienced or witnessed the power of prayer, feel free to share and encourage others with your story.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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On Sunday I received a call from a good friend of mine asking me to pray for her brother-in-law, Bob. Her sister and brother-in-law had been taking a walk on the beach that morning in Jacksonville, FL when Bob suffered a massive heart attack. Bob is 62 years young and the heart attack severely damaged his heart. The doctors tried putting a shunt in his heart but it failed.

When my friend called me, Bob was laying in the hospital on life support not expected to live through the night. Bob has a daughter that lives in San Francisco. The doctors informed his wife that she should contact any family to let them know the seriousness of his condition.

As my friend proceeded to tell me about Bob, his life, his personality, the challenges he has experienced, Bob became more “real” to me. He was more than a name to lift up in prayer.

It became clear to me that Bob was in need of a miracle and needed to be covered in prayer. I suggested to my friend that she submit prayers on the Internet to cover him in as much prayer as possible. My friend is a physical therapist, does not need the Internet for her job, so not very Internet savvy. She had no idea what I was talking about submitting prayer requests.

I asked my friend for his full name, details for the prayer request and told her that I would go out on the Internet and submit prayer requests for him. When I finished submitting prayer requests to several different sites, I thought about the many times I have done this for others who have been in need of prayer and for myself.

It occurred to me that many people, like my friend, are not aware of how easy it is to submit prayers to various ministries over the Internet. One of the many blessings of the Internet and technology today, we can communicate and connect immediately with others around the world. There is an abundance of credible ministries that take prayer requests and have people who pray for incoming requests.

I am a big fan of Stormie Omartian and the wisdom she shares in her many books on prayer, and the power of praying. I believe there is great power in prayer. If you would like to read more about the power or prayer, click here.

Come back tomorrow when I will share the links for several ministries that take prayer requests.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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During my teleseminar last Thursday with Lynne Lee, I shared some websites and resources for people going through divorce, or on their path of recovery from divorce. I mentioned that I would post some resources on my blog. Below you will find a list of resources that you may find helpful, educational and useful.

divorce360.com Provides help, advice and community for people contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it – custody, child support, alimony and litigation

DivorceCare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. Don’t go through separation or divorce alone.

DivorceCare seminars and support groups are led by people who understand what you are going through and want to help. You’ll gain access to valuable DivorceCare resources to help you deal with the pain of the past and look forward to rebuilding your life.

There are thousands of DivorceCare divorce recovery support groups meeting throughout the US, Canada and in other countries around the world. There’s one meeting near you!

EMwomen (EMpowering Women), is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping women and girls make lasting and significant life changes that result in their ability to become catalysts of positive change within their families, community, and the world. This is a Christian based group, with many resources, small groups. It is not a “divorce” site, but offers some encouraging and empowering information. A place to connect and network with others.

iheartsingleparents.com A friendly, authentic and inviting community! Our goal is to bring single parents together in a positive atmosphere for support, inspiration and fun. Meet other single moms and dads that “get it” when it comes to going it alone.

kidshealth.org This site offers help getting your child through a divorce.

Parenting as a Christian Single Dad- This is a blog written by a Christian Single Dad for you men and yet some of the single mom’s may find it interesting as well.

picketfences.com A Divorce Recovery Network for Christian women.

ezinearticles.com you can search ezine articles for valuable information about all aspects of divorce.

If you are on FaceBook, search for divorce related groups.

I hope you will find some of these resources of value and interest. If you have any sites you have found informative that you think would be helpful for others, please feel free to share them in the comments section below.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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