Today I want to tell you about an upcoming teleseminar that will be given by Carrie C. Stone. I was recently introduced to Carrie Stone during a teleseminar “How to Discover Your Destiny” that she did with Lynne Lee on her Christian Coaching Cafe.

I was so  impressed with Carrie, her wisdom, excellent communication and presentation skills, her authenticity, honesty, inspirational message and desire to help others discover and live out their God-given destiny.

During the teleseminar, Carrie addressed how life is constantly changing, ever expanding, ever confusing. If you are in the process of divorce or maybe you recently completed the divorce process, you are all to familiar with change, stretching beyond your comfort zone and may have even felt some confusion along the way.

Immediately after listening to Carrie, I knew she was someone who had a message and a mission that would greatly benefit my readers. I was excited to learn about her upcoming telesminar series Four Weeks to Freedom. 

Carrie’s teleseminar series Four Weeks to Freedom is about overcoming the paralysis of fear and beginning to live the life of your dreams. I don’t know about you, but my divorce left me full of fear. I feared for my children and how divorce was going to impact their lives, I feared for the future, for finances, taking care of home maintenace and repairs, returning to the work force. If you are anything like I was, you could use help overcoming your fears. The reality is we will never get rid of fear, so why not learn some steps for handling our fear?

I believe Carrie will be sharing valuable information for anyone on their path of recovery from divorce. See if this information would be helpful to you moving forward and rebuilding your life. Here are some of the things Carrie will provide in Four Weeks to Freedom: 

If you click on Four Weeks to Freedom  you can watch a video of Carrie telling you about her teleseminar series and about her new book titled: “Fear the Four Letter Word” I encourage you to watch the brief video and decide whether this teleseminar would benefit you. You will need to act quickly, as the teleseminar series begins next week.

Satan sends fear to torment us so we will be doubtful, miserable, paralyzed, preventing us from moving forward into doing what God wants us to do, and to keep us from receiving all that God has for us. 

2 Timothy 1:7 states “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If I asked you “What are your core values?” chances are you would struggle to answer the question. You see, most people are not consciously aware of their personal core values. When we go through life changes, such as divorce, our values or the priorities of certain values can change. Let’s take a look at what I mean by core values.

Core values are not descriptions of the work we do or the strategies we employ to accomplish our mission, or purpose. Core values underlie our work, how we interact with others, and which strategies we employ to fulfill our mission, or purpose. Our core values are the basic elements of how we go about our work and life. They are the practices we use (or should be using) everyday in everything we do.

In reality when we are not fully aware of our values, we might as well be saying we are not fully aware of what is important to us. Values are the foundation of our behavior. They define what is most important to us, they are the filter we use in making decisions, they are the motivating force behind our work, our passions, our life.

When you begin to rebuild your life after divorce, begin rebuilding with your foundation. Identifying your core values and understanding the priority you place on them, are key steps in establishing your foundation. When your values are clear you can make sure they are present, or a priority, in your life. Determining your core values will help you discover who you are. In the past, your values and their priority were most likely influenced and possibly determined, by and with, your spouse.

As you take the time to explore what you value, be prepared to ask yourself if this is something you truly value or was this something your former spouse valued? You may find certain values are not important to you while others are more important to you personally.

Once you have clarity on your values, think about how and where you are living out your values in your everyday life. Do you need to make some changes to incorporate your core values or get rid of some past values? As you live your life in alignment with your values, you will experience more fulfillment.

If you need help discovering your values and rebuilding your life, I can help you with the process. Often times we need someone to come alongside of us, to ask the right questions, to guide, motivate and encourage us to move forward and hold us accountable. If you wonder whether or not life coaching is for you, feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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When your life gets turned upside down by a major life changing event, such as a divorce, you find yourself in need of a new life plan. Post divorce is a new beginning. Possibly you had dreams and goals for achieving your dreams with your spouse. Or maybe you had dreams but no plan or goals for achieving them. Some people hold onto the idea that “everything will just work out.” Yet, if you just went through a divorce, you may be realizing that life doesn’t always “just work out” like in the fairy tales.

As you begin to rebuild your life, I encourage you to take the time to think about your future. Think about the different areas in your life, for example;

• family
• relationships (dating?)
• friends
• faith
• career
• interests
• personal
• health/exercise
• volunteering/serving
• travel

When you think of these different areas give yourself permission to explore possibilities, to dream, to create a vision of how you would like these areas to look in your future. You can use different time frames, say 6 months, 1 year, 3-5 years, 10 years depending on the area. Some areas may have short term and long term visions.

Brainstorm

I suggest getting a notebook, or journal, and brainstorm. Write down your thoughts for each of the different areas that apply to you, add new ones, if you desire. This is not something to do in one sitting. Pick it up when you have time, preferably when you can get still, some place quiet. Avoid any negative thoughts or voices that tell you “you’re crazy,” “that is impossible,” “you could never do that,” “you are not smart enough,” “you will never be able to afford that..” Give yourself the freedom to write whatever comes to mind.

What Are Your Interests?

Is there an interest or hobby you had to give up when you got married or started your family? Possibly you have an interest in learning or doing some activity, sport or hobby but never had the time, money or opportunity to pursue that interest, write it down. There are no right or wrong answers here. This can be for your eyes only, unless you want to share it with someone.

Will You Have a Plan?

How will you know where you are going, or if you are headed in the right direction, if you have no idea what you want or desire in your future? Will you be happy or content if you just let life happen and take it as it comes? What if you miss out on some great opportunities, fulfilling a dream, or the chance to live out your life purpose, how will you feel?

Will Your Life be Better or Worse?

Some people get caught up in anger, self pity, holding onto the past, believing they do not deserve a good future, or feel rejected and unworthy of another relationship or marriage. Some people see their future as gloom and doom and fail to move forward. I find it sad when I hear about people who get divorced and their life never gets any better. Divorce becomes their defining moment in life. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Would You Like to Enjoy Your Future?

What if your life could be better than it ever was before? What if you discovered who you are, your life purpose and lived a fulfilling life? What if you could enjoy your future? Would you be willing to put forth some effort to make it happen? Think about the options. How do you see your future?

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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If you are a parent going through divorce or recently divorced, how did you explain the change in your family dynamics to your children? Do they understand what is happening to their family? Depending on the age of your children, the concept of divorce can be difficult to grasp.

Children may wonder if it is their fault their parents are divorcing? Why is their family changing? Does this change who I am? Younger children in particular who identify themselves mostly with their parents, family, friends and school may struggle with how divorce affects their identity.

When Lori Hilliard found herself going through a divorce she searched for resources to help her explain to her 5 year old son, Joshua, what was happening to their family and what it meant to him and his siblings. Lori states that she “found several wonderful books published on the subject of divorce, but they mostly featured make believe characters like talking teddy bears.”

Lori says she wanted a real child’s face for Joshua to see and identify with that would help him understand that other real children had been through a divorce and that it was not just a made up “character” story. Failure to find such a book led Lori to write the book, Sending Love…My “Different-Functional” Family . In her book, Lori uses actual photo’s of her children, herself and her ex-husband, to beautifully  illustrate her book and make it real. Her goal in writing Sending Love…My “Different-Functional” Family   is to help children understand that divorce is not their fault. Lori wants them to know just how much they are loved, despite the change in their family dynamics.

This book is written as a story by her 5 year old son, Joshua, explaining who he is and where he lives, his two homes, his family members and pets. At the end of the book there are pages for your child/children to tell their story. You will find a place for your children to put photos of themselves, mom, dad, their family, and things they like to do. At the very end of the book there is a place for each parent to write what they think about or love about the child or children, along with a signature line for both mom and dad to sign.

If you have children between the ages of 2 and 10, I would highly recommend you get Lori’s book. After I read Lori’s book written from a child’s perspective, using real life pictures, it made me wish she had written it 10 years ago. My children were 3 and 5 when their father chose the path of divorce. I think of how helpful this would have been to explain to our children what was happening to their family dynamics and what it meant to them.

THANK YOU, Lori, for taking the initiative to create such a valuable resource for children of divorce. Anyone who has been through, or is going through, a divorce knows what a devastating time it is in the life of a family. This book is an easy and incredible tool to use. It will help you reassure your children of just how much they are loved. Well done, Lori Hilliard!

If you would like to read an article about, Lori Hilliard, click here.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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How do you perceive people who are divorced? Has your perception changed since you experienced divorce? Let me ask you this, and be honest with yourself, how do you perceive yourself? Do you think less of yourself because you are divorced? Do any of these words describe your perception of yourself; failure, damaged goods, victim, unlovable, flawed, unworthy, not valued, less intelligent, poor communicator, unacceptable, defeated, or loser?

When some of my friends from divorce recovery group would get together we would jokingly hold up an “L” on our foreheads for “Loser,” or a big “D” for “Divorced.” Although we were kidding around, many of us, if we were honest would have to say that we felt like a loser at some point during/after our divorce. When you are newly divorced, in the company of married people, and you are the only single person, one might feel as if there is a flashing neon “D” or “L” on your forehead. 

I am here to tell you that there is NO flashing “L” or “D” on your forehead.If you have a negative perception of people who are divorced, including yourself, I encourage you to re-evaluate your thoughts. Do not accept or allow yourself to think negative thoughts about yourself because you are divorced. You control what you think. Before you can change your attitude/life, you must be willing to change your thoughts.

My next post, I will continue with “Changing Your Thoughts will Change Your Perception”

Please feel free to comment and share your perceptions/experiences of  being a “divorcee.” Have you ever felt inferior because you are divorced? Do you know others who have expressed how they perceive themselves once they were divorced?

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved

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A friend asked me the other day, "Did you make any New Years Resolutions?" To which I replied, "No." Did you know that most New Years Resolutions are broken in the first week and forgotten by the end of the first month. For me, setting goals and making a plan to achieve those goals is more effective than making New Years Resolutions.

Each year I make time at the end of the year or the beginning of the New Year depending on my schedule, to reflect over the past year. I usually journal my thoughts as I reflect. I think about what I accomplished, what I learned, how I grew as a person in my faith, knowledge and personally. What am I most thankful for? I also think about things that I "worried" about that never came to pass? I look for how God worked in my life? What were my high points and low points? What brought me joy and happiness? What do I regret?

As I look to the New Year, I think about what I want to accomplish in my career and personal life. What do I want more of in my life? What do I want less of in my life and how might I achieve more or less? How can I grow deeper in my relationship with God? Am I using my gifts and talents to best serve God? How can I do better? How can I be a blessing to others? How can I be a better parent? friend? neighbor etc.? How can I be more effective in my career? What do I need to learn or do? Am I using my time well? Is my life out of balance somewhere? Am I taking care of myself physically? emotionally? spiritually?

As I journal my thoughts, I seek God and His will for my life. Take some time to hear from Him and then begin to create goals and a road map or plan for reaching those goals. How about you? Do you set New Years Resolutions or think about the New Year and what you might like to accomplish? Do you just let life happen and take it as it comes? Do you think about what you want your life to look like and plan the steps to make it happen? I would love to hear your thoughts and any ideas or suggestions you might have to offer others as we begin a New Year. May God Bless you in 2009.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved

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Now hear this, “Just because your marriage failed does not make you a failure!”  Unfortunately, that is the way many divorced people see themselves. How we preceive ourselves affects; how we interact with others, our relationships, the messages we tell ourselves about ourself, our future, our career, our finances, our desires and our dreams. When we see ourself as a failure we limit our potential and possibilities in life.

When we fail we have choices to make. Will we perceive the “failure” as a life experience, learn from the experience and try again? Or will we perceive ourselves as a “failure” and give up? It is how we choose to perceive our failures and what we do about them that will determine our futures.

• “A failure is a man who has blundered but is not capable of cashing in on the experience.” Elbert Hubbard

• “Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.” John Dewey

• “If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” Mary Pickford
• “We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” Samuel Smiles
• “Failing does not make you a failure. A person is a failure only if he gives up and refuses to try any longer.” Joyce Meyer

How have you chosen to see the failure of your marriage? Have you learned from it and will you move forward? Or have you chosen to let it define you and remain stuck in the past?

If divorce has left you feeling like a failure, please read my recent ezine article Divorce Does Not Make You a Failure.

Copyright 2008  Shelley Grieser  All rights Reserved

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Tonight I was watching Alejandro Reyes on successfool tv. Alejandro is a Christian Internet Marketing expert that introduced me to shows on U Stream. Alejandro is passionate about "Passion."

During the show the audience is able to chat (via chat room) and communicate with Alejandro. One of the things we talked about tonight is whether or not you know your passion? And if you know your passion, are you following it? or pursuing it? If you do not know your passion, then somebody or something else is defining it for you.

After a divorce is the perfect time to discover your passion. If you do not know what you are passionate about, wouldn't you like to find out? Do you know that if you will take the time to discover your passion and then take the steps to live it out, your life will be happier? Living out your passion brings satisfaction, joy and fulfillment. You have unique gifts, talents and skills. God has a special purpose for your life. He has given you a passion(s).

Perhaps you already know your passion but you were not able to pursue it when you were married. Can you imagine being able to live out your passion now? Or worse, can you imagine never taking the time to discover your passion and living it out?

If you want to discover your passion or how to implement your passion, feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Copyright 2008  Shelley Grieser  All Rights Reserved

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Have you started thinking about your values? Did you start a list? You may want to refer back to the previous post on "Understanding the Importance of Your Values" on Aug. 29th. Which of the words resonated with you the most? Which ones represent the way you live? Are they the same? Did you struggle with having to pick and choose? I know I had a difficult time limiting my values and trying to decide which ones were my top 10-15.

This may help. There are Eight Key Life areas; Work, Money, Living Environment, Personal Growth, Health and Recreation, Community, Family, and God. Pick 5 or 6 words/phrases (from the values list or write your own) that describe what is most important to you in each of the eight life areas. You can use the same word/phrase more than once, if applicable.

Once you discover your core values, you will want to turn them into 5 -10 one sentence value statements. To be sure the statements fit the definition of a value, there are several characteristics of values listed below with questions you can ask yourself.

Values are Passionate

What do I care most deeply about? What am I most willing to sacrifice for? What makes me passionate about this?

Values are Unique

This value could be true of a lot of people. Can I say this in a way that captures what is unique about me? Can I personalize this a little more? If my friends read this would they know it was me?

Values are Lived

How well is this statement reflected in my life right now? How am I living out this value in practical ways right now? Am I living out this value right now or is it something I aspire to live out?

Values are Concise

Can I sum this value up in one sentence? If not, can I shorten my value into meaningful phrases?

Values are important. Give yourself adequate time to reflect and clarify your values. This is a great time to identify your values and determine how you can live them out, if you are not living them out already. How might you make changes in your lifestyle, career, how you spend your time, money or energy to be more consistent with your values? Is there something you can pursue now that you were not able to pursue before? a hobby? taking care of yourself? learning something new?

Once you come up with ideas of how you can live out your values. Focus on an idea, set a specific goal, be realistic, make sure it is attainable, measurable (how will you know when you have reached it?) and give yourself a time frame for accomplishing it ( month, 3 months?) Tell someone you trust about your goal, ask them to hold you accountable and to follow up with you and your progress.

Becoming aware of your values and what you can do to improve your life, after a divorce, can be very empowering. This process helps you focus on what you can control, your future and moving forward. Develop a "can do" attitude and take action in creating a future you want to live.

copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser

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Last time we started looking at our values. For some of you this may have been the first time you have given much thought about your values. For others, you may have had a good idea what your core values are and the exercise confirmed your assumptions. Did you know that your habits reflect your values? Also, how we live out our daily lives reflects our true values, particularly in times of stress. or crises or when important decisions have to be made.

People who are not aware of their values are more easily influenced by their circumstances, the latest trends or fads and by what other people think and say. People who live their lives consistent with their values tend to have more inner peace, less stress, more confidence and sense of direction. Divorce is such a stressful time and there are many decisions to be made. If you look at the decisions you have been making do you have peace and confidence and feel like you know the direction you are headed? Or do you feel a bit confused? Easily persuaded or influenced by your attorney or others around you? Are you making decisions based on what other people say?

If you do not have peace and you are feeling confused, this may be a good time to discover your values and what is important to you. Getting in touch with your values will help you to clarify the direction you should go. When you know the direction you need to go, it is easier to move forward. Having clear values will help you to make good decisions. When you understand which values are most important then you can make decisions that are aligned with the highest values on your priority list.

When you live your life aligned with your core values you are more effective in your role as a parent, employee, leader, etc. You are able to have healthier relationships. You will be more fulfilled and satisfied. This is something you can do for yourself, to help you move forward and become the best person, parent, employee or leader that you can be. I encourage you to take the time to become aware of your core values and to live them out in your daily life.

To prompt your awareness I have listed some values below for you to consider. The purpose is to get you thinking. By all means add your own values that may not be listed. To begin, write down 10- 15 values. Next time we will look at your list, so keep it handy.

accomplishment      affirmation                ambition            beauty

being in control      caution                      career               collaboration

community            compassion                competence        competition

creativity            determination                diligence             efficiency

elegance             encouragement             enlightenment    excellence

faithfulness         family                            forgiveness        forward looking

freedom               frugality                      fulfillment           fun

gentleness           genuineness               good taste          growth

hard work             honesty                      humility             humor

impacting people   independence            influence             integrity

joy                        lack of pretense         love                   marriage

making money        mentoring                obedience             orderliness

patience                peace                       performance        persistence

personal power      physical vitality          productivity          purity

quality                  recognition                 relaxation           respect for people

respect for life      respect for environment   risk taking      security

self-esteem          self-expression          sensitivity           servanthood

service                sexual fulfillment         silence               solitude

spiritual growth    stability                      success              temperance

tolerance              tongue control           tranquility            trust

truth                    winning                     worship                  

copyright 2008 Shelley Grieser

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