I remember it was on January 5th, 2001 when my husband reached the final decision that he was "ready to move on." It was December of 1998 when he informed me that he "was not happy." He agreed to go to marriage counseling but was not interested in doing the work. He moved out of our home on November 6th, 1999 so he could have "some space." On January 7th while I was sitting in church an announcement in the bulletin caught my eye, a Divorce Recovery group was beginning on January 16th. The timing could not have been more perfect.

For me, attending a Divorce Recovery group was instrumental in helping me get through the divorce process. Whether you are beginning the path of divorce or have been divorced for awhile but can not seem to let go of the past, I suspect you could benefit from participating in a Divorce recovery group. I have compiled a list of what I believe are the:

7 Benefits of Participating in a Divorce Recovery (DR) Group.

#1- SUPPORT – At a DR group you will find people that have been or are currently in the process of divorce. Those that have been down the path know what you can expect, how you feel and what you may need to hear. They each have a unique story to tell. Maybe you can learn from their mistakes or successes. The leader, facilitators and other participants can offer encouragement, a listening ear, hope and prayer.

#2 – ABILITY TO CONNECT- Even though your married friends care about you and want to help, if they have never experienced divorce themselves, they can not truly understand your pain. There is something about being in a state of brokenness that creates a common ground where we can relate to others who share a similar pain. You may have very little in common with the members in the the group other than sharing the pain and process of divorce. Being able to connect with others helps you to realize you are not alone.

#3- PROMOTES HEALING- A DR group provides a safe comfortable environment to express your feelings, thoughts, fears, disappointment, anger and challenges. A DR group provides an opportunity to share openly, to speak and be heard without judgement, to process, to cry, to laugh, to listen to others, and celebrate your victories and growth.

#4 -EDUCATIONAL/INFORMATIONAL- There are different types of DR programs. Many will provide a lecture or video of a lecture followed by discussions and sharing in small groups. The information may include topics related to; transitioning from married to single life, the dynamics of marriage and how and why they fail, styles of communication, owning your part of the marriage, dealing with anger, healing and forgiveness, letting go of the past, how to have a successful more fulfilling relationship or marriage next time, dating again, and co-parenting.

#5-NETWORKING- Everyone attending a DR group is either going through or has been through a divorce. Where can you find a better pool of resources? This is a great place to get names and recommendations of who to use and not to use for an attorney, child mediator, counselor/therapist for you (or your children), career opportunities, child care, sharing ideas about parenting plans/schedules, what worked, what didn’t, learning from other people’s mistakes and successes.

#6-FRIENDS-What an ideal place to make some new single friends! Remember "single life" is new to most everyone in the group. Most people would welcome the opportunity to have other people to do things with socially. Why not ask who would be interested in going to dinner or for coffee before or after the meeting? I made some really great friends that I still see and do things with. Although all of us in our group are not still in contact today, we had a lot of fun getting together for a couple of years (men and women.)

#7- SELF AWARENESS/GROWTH- In a DR group you are bound to discover things about yourself, becoming aware of your upbringing and how you learned to relate and communicate with others. It may be understanding your part in the marriage break up, gaining a better understanding of "who" you really are, what you want in a relationship, what you value most, areas where you can improve, growing in forgiveness, acceptance, strength, courage and perseverance.

I would love to hear from you. Have you participated in a DR group? What was your experience? How did you benefit from the group? If you have never been to a group, would you consider going? Please feel free to share your comments/thoughts.

copyright 2008  Shelley Grieser

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