Today I wanted to share some additional thoughts on single parenting and vacations. If you read my Ezine article Single Parents: When Your Children Go on Vacation with Your Ex I mentioned several ideas of what you can do to help young children feel at ease about going on vacation with the other parent. Realize it can be difficult for young children to leave one parent, to go on vacation with the other parent.
Additional Food for Thought on Vacations with Your Children:
Don’t make it a competition with the other parent. Vacations should not be about who can out do the other one. Do not fall into the trap of trying to “buy” your children’s love. He who spends the most money, does not always win. Children are more perceptive than you think.
Think of the children. What vacation will be most enjoyable for them? Consider distance, length of time you will be gone, activities, and what is appropriate for the age of your children. Check your motive? Is this a vacation “you” want to take and you are trying to convince yourself that the kids will enjoy it, too? Is it a vacation planned with the best interest of the children, or are you better off taking this trip with another adult, or possibly when the children are older?
Quality Time. Choose a vacation that allows you to spend quality time with your children. How often do you hear about vacations where the highlight of the vacation is swimming in the pool at the hotel? The tours and sights are okay, but spending time with the family swimming, playing games, participating in a “family” activity or having a picnic can often be the highlight. Be intentional about spending quality time with the children wherever you go.
Next, I wanted to share a few personal experiences in the event they may be helpful for other single parents.
My children were 2 and 4 years when my husband and I separated. My daughter often had a difficult time with separation from me. A few things that seemed to help her with separation was having a security item. For some children it may be a stuffed animal, a blanket, or toy. For my daughter it was a night shirt of mine that she called, “jammies.” Taking “jammies” on vacation with her dad, served as a reminder of me and brought her comfort.
When my children took trips with their father, I would prepare several cards for them to take and open while they were away. I also prepared some special surprise bags for them. The children looked forward to getting a card and/or surprise bag every day, or every other day, if it was a longer trip. I would number the cards and build on the information as the days progressed.
I recall one trip in particular when my children were going to be flying somewhere and I promised my daughter that I would look up in the sky at the time their plane would be taking off and wave to her. My daughter found that very reassuring.
When my children would call me on the phone from vacation, I would ask questions about what they were doing, let them know I missed them, loved them, and act excited for them (yes, even when they were at Disney World).
One year when my children were older, I gave them each a notebook to take on their trip to journal what they did each day. This would help them remember all of the details of the trip that they wanted to share with me. My daughter really enjoyed this as she likes to tell me all of the details, and loves to write. She drew pictures and collected pamphlets of places they visited.
My children are now 11 and 13 years. We had out of town company visiting until the day before they left on vacation recently. I was thinking to myself I might not write cards for them this trip. Wondering if they really cared to receive them? The night before leaving my daughter said to me, “Mom you are going to write cards for us for our trip, right?, You might not do the surprise packages, but you will write the cards won’t you?”
When and if you start doing something special for your children when they travel with the other parent, don’t be surprised if they come to expect it for years to come.
Finally, I had one more tradition that I started when my children were young. The day my children came home from a trip, I made a sign on poster board to welcome them home and let them know I missed them. I would take all of their stuffed animals and line the staircase/banister with their furry friends. When they walked into the entry way of our home, they would receive a grand welcome home. (Now that they are older they get the dubious task of putting them all away.) Hmmm, do you think they will be expecting the animals this year, too?
If you have any comments or ideas that you would like to share with others, please feel free to leave them in the comments below.
Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.
