Although I was a child of divorce at the age of 9, experiencing divorce as an adult was devastating. It was a humbling experience that moved me to a whole new level of compassion and understanding. Divorce gave me a much greater appreciation and understanding of my mother. I realize, as a single parent, my mother did the best she could with what she had and what she knew.
Despite my parents divorce, I held onto the dream of getting married and living happily ever after. I was determined to do things differently than my parents. I became intent on getting a college education in case I ever had to support myself and children. I decided I would wait until I was atleast in my mid-twenties before I got married, as I would be wiser and more mature! I was a picky dater and wanted to do whatever I could so that I never ended up divorced. So, how did all of that work out for me? Well, I graduated from college and married in my early thirties.
When my children were very young my husband informed me he was not happy. We tried counseling, he tried counseling and 11 months later he moved out. How could this be? My biggest fear had come upon me. I never wanted my children to have to experience divorce. My husband on the other hand had read the book “Children of Divorce” and convinced himself that the children would be just fine. For me, I was about to learn the long term effects my parents divorce had played in my own life.
After 14 months of separation my husband informed me he was “ready to move on.” Two days later while sitting in church I read about a Divorce Recovery group that would be starting in 11 days. Participating in the Divorce Recovery group significantly helped me get through the divorce process.
When the recovery group ended, several members of our group wanted more help and time. We continued to meet with the leader (a therapist) of our Divorce Recovery group for months. Some of us went on to be facilitators for the next Divorce Recovery group. I was also blessed to be a part of a Single Mom’s support group from its inception, for 3 years.
The other most significant source of support going through my divorce was my faith. A year and a half prior to my husband telling me he was not happy, we had moved from Kansas City to Colorado. Moving meant leaving the majority of my friends and family. It was not until I was faced with my marital problems, away from the support of family and friends, that I developed a relationship with God. I was raised going to church, thought I was a Christian, but did not have or understand being in “relationship with God.”
Over the years I have had the opportunity to come along side both women and men as they journeyed through the divorce process. I have experienced the pain, the loss, the anger, rejection, frustration, disappointment, sadness, and hopelessness that can come with divorce. There are a lot of changes and adjustments as you go from being married to now single.
Having a change expert to walk with while trying to figure out what is important to you and how you want your life to look helps you stay focused and reduces the energy you have to expend. A Coach can make it possible to tackle bigger changes at a faster pace than you can do on your own.
A coach pushes you to think, to stretch yourself, to take responsibility for your life and get done what you need to get done. Coaching provides support, encouragement and accountability as a support structure to help you get things done/change.
When you are accountable to someone you are more likely to succeed. When what you do is recognized, cheered and affirmed, you perform at a higher level. People getting divorced rarely have someone to hold them accountable and support them during this time of transition from married to single. As a coach who has walked the path of divorce, it is my passion and desire to come alongside others on this journey to help them make this transition and create a future filled with joy and hope.
I love what the leader of my divorce recovery group told us, “I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy and at the same time I would not trade what I learned going through it for anything.” Divorce is an ending, but it is also a new beginning. It may not be the path you would have chosen, but you now have the choice; will you hold on to the past and be miserable, or will you chose to move forward and create a new life for yourself (and children)? What will you choose?
What others have to say about Shelley:
Working with Shelley has been a wonderful experience. She has provided me with great tools and resources to use in my everyday life. She is encouraging and helpful and I have never felt judged by her when explaining choices I have made. In working with her you can tell she believes in what she teaches because she practices it in her own life. – Laura
“Shelley is a conscientious, compassionate, coach. She is very insightful, positive, and never loses sight of the goal. Her encouragement and resources have proven to be invaluable to me every time I’ve utilized her service. I cannot think of another person who I value, respect, and trust as much as I do Shelley!” Sue
Hi Shelley,
I have two friends in Chicago both, just told that their husbands have found
someone else and want to separate…
Both are devastated and I want to do something for them. Do you have any
recommended books or something I could send them.
I wish they lived here and could meet you and see how impressive your life
turned out… but right now they are a mess!!
Thanks
Colleen
